My mum doesn’t respect the rules I make for my daughter; she always ignores me

“We discussed this beforehand; we discussed this a few times. My rules were always made clear before a trip was ever planned,” frustrated Julia said.

Alexandra Feiam

4 min read

July 3, 2024 - 6:33AM

Family Life

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When *Julia’s mum offered to take her daughter, Molly*, camping for the weekend, she knew her daughter would beg her to say yes.

Molly loves camping, and Julia knew her mum would take excellent care of her while they were away.

But now Julia is second-guessing ever letting her child on the trip after her mum continuously ignored her requests.

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Molly's grandmother has taken her camping ... but they haven't come home yet. Picture: iStock

“I’d like my daughter to be back home Sunday evening at the latest”

Julia is currently in the hospital with severe asthma and a herniated disc, meaning she can’t attend the camping trip with her daughter or mum.

Even though she was in the hospital recovering, she knew Molly was going to have a fantastic time with her grandmother and aunts, who would also attend the camping site.

But Julia had one very strict rule before her daughter was whisked off to the camping ground: they must bring Molly home by Sunday night.

“I said to my mother I’d like her to be back home Sunday evening [at] the latest,” Julia explained on Reddit. “We discussed this beforehand. We discussed this a few times. My rules were always made clear before a camping trip was ever planned.”

This arrangement isn’t anything new for Julia’s mum.

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“We have a system where she has said she wants to see my child, so we’ve worked out where my child would stay with me on the weekdays, and on the weekends, she can take her but has to be returned on Sunday evenings,” Julia explained.

So this camping trip shouldn’t be any different … right? Wrong.

Her mum didn’t exactly take those instructions on board. “She says ‘Hmm…we’ll see about that’ and then…cut the conversation short and kinda hung up on me.”

“I heard a lot of commotion in the background of my siblings, so I think she did this due to whatever was going on, but I wasn’t thrilled she did that,” Julia added.

Flash forward ot the weekend, and Molly was packing her bags ready to go with her grandmother and aunts.

Julia’s daughter was picked up early on Saturday morning, and Julia made sure to remind her mother that Molly needed to be home the following evening.

Sunday came, and as the clock ticked away, the front door remained untouched; there was no sign of Julia’s daughter or mother.

Then Julia’s phone screen lit up - it was a message from her mum, explaining they’d return home on Monday. Julia was a little miffed at the message. After all, she did request her daughter be returned that evening, and now her request was being thrown back in her face.

The next day rolled around, and there was still no sign of Molly or her grandmother. “She told me last night she’d be home today,” Julia said. “Now, today, she is saying tomorrow.”

Now Julia feels like her requests are being ignored entirely. “I know she’ll be home tomorrow, but I originally said I’d like her to be home Sunday evening,” she explained. “I feel she isn’t respecting the things I say.”

This behaviour isn’t anything new for Julia, who has dealt with her mother’s “difficult” personality.

“She has always been a difficult person since I was a child, and she also has a bad habit of being a bit manipulative when in a ‘corner’ and being told she did something wrong or not OK,” she said.

In response, she’d guilt-trip her children into apologising to her.

“She’ll blow it out of proportion and say, ‘Well, I just suck as a mum; I’m sorry I’m such a loser” and start yelling or cut the conversation short,” Julia said. “And [then] be like, ‘OK, we don’t see eye to eye - when you are open, you can give me a call when you’re ready’.”

“Your kid, your rules”

Julia’s frustrations were more than understandable to the people of Reddit, who assured her she wasn’t being unreasonable in her anger.

“I would be incredibly pissed if my mum did this,” someone said. “Your kid, your rules,” said another.

“Sounds like [Julia’s] mum just refuses to respect her own daughter's decisions about her own child and acts as if she (grandma) is still in charge of [Julia] and can overrule [Julia’s] choices,” a third wrote.

Others offered Julia suggestions to send to her mother if she still refused to return Molly home.

“If my child is not home when I request, she will no longer be going anywhere with you,” the recommended message read.

*Names have been changed