How to talk to your kids about staying safe without making them scared

We teach them to say please and thank you - but are we teaching them how to say “no” when it matters most?

Rebel Wylie

5 min read

July 2, 2025 - 2:40PM

Parenting

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*Content warning: Contains content that some may find distressing*

In the wake of the deeply disturbing allegations against Melbourne childcare worker Joshua Brown, many parents are feeling anxious - and rightfully so.

The 27-year-old has been charged with more than 100 offences, including the alleged sexual abuse of multiple children across several early childhood centres. The scale of the accusations is horrifying, but what cuts deepest is the betrayal of trust. Parents left their children in the care of someone they believed was safe. Someone paid to protect and nurture them.

It’s every parent's worst nightmare - and a confronting reminder that abuse doesn't always look like we expect it to.

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Joshua Brown has been charged with more than 100 offences, including the alleged sexual abuse of children in his care. Image: Supplied

Do your kids know how to say “no”?

Understandably, stories like this shake us to our core. They spark fear, anger, and most of all, the desperate urge to do something. But how can we protect our children without making them feel like the world is unsafe? How do we talk about things like body safety, boundaries, and consent in a way that empowers, rather than scares?

We asked Kristi McVee, a former child abuse detective and founder of CAPE-AU (Child Abuse Prevention and Education), how parents can start these vital conversations - and keep them going - in a calm, age-appropriate way.

Kristi McVee, is a former child abuse detective and child safety expert. Image: Supplied

Start early - and keep it going

Kristi tells Kidspot one of the most common misconceptions parents have is thinking the “body safety talk” is a one-time chat.

“Body safety education should be part of everyday life and not a one-off, panic-fuelled talk,” she says. “Keep it calm, clear, and age-appropriate.”

This means looking for teachable moments in the everyday - whether you're watching a show together, getting dressed, or just having a quiet chat at bedtime. Don’t wait until something scary happens to bring it up.

“Use simple language like, ‘Your body belongs to you,’ and ‘You can say no to touch, even from someone you know.’”

Kristi recommends introducing terminology like safe and unsafe touch, appropriate and inappropriate behaviours, and safe and unsafe secrets. By framing the conversation around body autonomy and respect, rather than fear, children are more likely to understand and remember it.

“Empower them with knowledge, not fear, and remind them that if anyone ever makes them feel unsafe or uncomfortable, they should come and tell you.”

The goal, Kristi explains, isn’t to make your child afraid of everyone - it’s to help them feel confident in what to do if something doesn’t feel right.

Recognising the signs when something's wrong

One of the most heartbreaking realities of child abuse is that many children don’t speak up - not because they don’t want to, but because they don’t have the words, or don’t feel safe enough to do so.

This is why, Kristi says, it’s so important for parents to tune into behavioural changes.

“Watch for sudden aggression, withdrawal, changes in toileting, nightmares, clinginess, or sexualised behaviour that’s not developmentally appropriate,” she says.

Sometimes the signs are subtle - a child who suddenly doesn’t want to go to daycare, who starts bedwetting again, or who becomes anxious around certain people.

“If their personality shifts and you can’t explain why, pay attention. Behaviour is a form of communication.”

It’s natural for children to have emotional ups and downs, but as a parent, you know your child best. If something feels “off”, trust your gut.

Home is their training ground for the real world

So much of what children learn about safety - and their right to speak up - starts at home.

“It starts with connection,” Kristi says. “Be curious, not reactive. Let kids know they can talk to you about anything - and ACTUALLY mean it.”

This means staying calm when your child tells you something confronting. Not shutting down awkward conversations. And showing them, through your own behaviour, what respect looks like.

“Ditch the shame, stay open, and model consent and respect in your own interactions. Show them how ‘safe’ adults act - and that safe adults respect children.”

When a child grows up knowing that their voice matters, that they’ll be believed, and that no topic is off limits, they’re far more likely to speak up if something goes wrong.

“Kids don’t speak up in homes where they fear getting in trouble. They speak up in homes where they feel heard.”

Respect their “no” - even when it’s inconvenient

A powerful way to reinforce a child’s sense of bodily autonomy is to respect their right to say “no” - even to things we might consider harmless.

If your child doesn’t want to hug a relative, don’t force it. Instead, offer alternatives like a high five or wave, and explain that it’s okay to set boundaries around their body.

This sends a clear message: Your comfort matters. Your voice matters. And no one has the right to touch you without your consent.

These small moments of everyday respect build the foundation for bigger, more serious situations later in life.

Resources to help start the conversation

Talking about body safety can feel overwhelming - especially if you weren’t raised with these conversations yourself. That’s why Kristi has created resources like the Conversations with Kids™ Body Safety Cards, designed to make the process easier for parents and empowering for children.

These downloadable cards use safe, age-appropriate language and gentle prompts to help guide open, ongoing conversations. They’ve been used by families around Australia - and Kristi says they’ve already helped prevent and reduce harm.

“It matters more than most people realise," says Kristi. "After 15 years working as a police officer and now as a prevention educator, I know how paramount these conversations are.”

You can find the cards and more information at www.cape-au.com.

The bottom line

You don’t have to scare your child to keep them safe. In fact, the opposite is true.

By keeping the lines of communication open, building trust at home, and reinforcing your child’s right to feel safe and respected, you’re giving them the tools they need to navigate the world with confidence.

Because every child deserves to grow up feeling safe - and every parent deserves the tools to help make that happen.