‘My MIL looks after our kids but she went too far with this cheeky act’

"You’re perfectly entitled to be p***ed off at her!"

Laura Jackel

3 min read

August 14, 2024 - 8:11PM

Image: iStock.

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Mother-in-laws are often unfairly saddled with a bad reputation, and one woman feels that her mother-in-law has recently overstepped the mark with her privacy.

“My MIL has been very kind in helping out with a few odd days of childcare over the summer holidays for our toddler and seven year old at our house,” the woman begins her post on Mumsnet.

“Her relationship with my husband, her son, is strained, and I don't get on that well with her, but try to keep the peace as the kids love her and I want them to have a close relationship.”

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My mother in law has her own agenda when visiting

"She should have asked"

She says that in spite of the neutral relationship, something has begun to irk her.

“The last couple of times she has helped, she has mentioned to my husband in the morning, ‘I've invited so and so over for lunch or coffee today’. These are people she is close to, that my husband knows from the past, but that I haven't met.

“I feel like she should have asked beforehand, and I'm not sure how I feel about someone I don't know in my house and around my children.”

She then asks if this would bother anyone else and if she is unreasonable to feel upset by this act.

While almost seventy percent of the people responding to her post do not believe she is being unreasonable, but many recognise that her MIL is doing her a big favour by looking after the kids.

“I think this is what people mean when they say free childcare is never really free,” said one woman.

“I wouldn't like people in my home, but would probably bite my tongue since she's doing you a massive favour. Having MILs friends around my kids, especially ones DH knew, wouldn't bother me though.”

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"What's the problem?"

Another respondent agrees with this sentiment and even takes it further: “I would not care one jot about this. Unless her friends are druggies! What's the problem? The children will get lots of attention I am sure.”

But other’s felt that the MIL really should have asked the mum first before inviting her random pals for coffee dates.

One remarked: “You’re perfectly entitled to be p***ed off at her inviting strangers into your house without permission.”

Another had their own experiences of a similar situation: “Yes, my MIL used to do the same! It's bloody cheeky. She also used to pop in to go to the toilet if she was at the beach, even if I was out. She is lovely in many, many ways but I had to draw boundaries before I throttled her.”

Finally, some commenters suggested how it might be resolved with some clarity and a bit of a chat.

“If you’re really uncomfortable with it, ask her to babysit at her own house or find alternative childcare,” added one.

"She has to let you know!"

A second remarked: “I'd ask for a little advance notice so that I could make sure that my pants(undies) weren't on the line and that I could put a quiche or something a bit more special in the fridge (presuming that you are providing lunch for kids and MIL anyway).

“She has let you know though, so although I understand why it does feel a bit weird, it might be too late to say anything after it has happened several times.”