Mother in law’s ‘cringe’ wedding request

 “I just feel a bit p***ed off that she hasn't really thought about me,” the bride exclaimed.

A couple in the midst of planning their wedding are negotiating some tricky in-law territory after the mother-in-law made a special request that they don’t know how to deal with.

“My MIL texted me this morning, telling me she had her song picked for her mother and son dance,” the shocked bride-to-be explained in a parenting forum.

“I've been to many weddings, but I've just never heard of or seen a mother and son dance happen. I went along with it and said it was nice, but is it rude of me to be a bit disheartened by it?”

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"It broke me"

The bride-to-be explains that while the “disheartening” dance idea is not traditionally on the runsheet, she says it is especially hard to take because of her father’s recent death.

“I lost my father to a short but sudden battle with a horrid illness two years back, it absolutely broke me because he was my best friend in the whole world and I looked after him until his last day with us. 

“It breaks my heart he won't be there on my wedding day, he won't be there to walk me down the aisle or to do the traditional father-daughter wedding dance. I don't even have any siblings or uncles to walk me down or dance with me. It just breaks my heart that he can't be there, and I miss him dearly.”

She said she had previously discussed the idea of a mother daughter dance but that it wasn’t their thing. 

“Both of us hate the spotlight, it will be enough for me having the first dance with my husband.

“We told everyone we wouldn't be having a mother-daughter dance and I wouldn't be having anything in place of where me and my dad’s dance should have been. And everyone including my in-laws saw how much it broke me, and still to this day does.”

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"She likes to be in command"

But then she got the message from her mother-in-law; even though she knew her daughter-in-law would not be doing an equivalent. 

Awkward.

She says that generally speaking they get along but there are a few issues.

“We've butted heads in the past and it's mainly because she's a bit too much and has little to no boundaries and likes to be in command of every situation. 

“She also makes constant comments about my weight even though I had a baby last year, and have gone from a larger size to a smaller one since!”

The bride says she hasn’t said ‘no’ to her demanding MIL yet, but wonders if she should.

“I just feel a bit pissed off and that she hasn't really thought about me. I wouldn't be so annoyed by it if a mother-son dance was more of a common thing, but as far as I know - it's pretty much unheard of. 

“It just feels like she's jumping on the opportunity because I can't have my moment with my dad.”

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"I find them so cringe"

After asking the forum if she was being unreasonable, she also asked for advice on how to approach the awkward dilemma she now faces.

Most of the over 130 comments on this post were in favour of telling the MIL ‘no’.

“Tell your fiance to tell her that you won't be having individual dances other than yours and his as you both feel it wouldn't be appropriate,” said one straightforward responder.

One mother to a son said there is no way she would ever expect to do that in the future at his wedding. 

“Oh I find them so cringe and if my son and his long term partner ever get wed, there is NO WAY I would be doing one and don't think he'd fancy it either!”

“And in your circumstance I would feel it is wholly inappropriate.”

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"The son looked embarrassed"

Apparently in some parts of the world it is more of a ‘thing’ but just because something can happen, doesn't mean it should.

“I saw it at one wedding a few years back,” one user posted.

“It was clearly the mum’s idea, the son looked embarrassed and shuffled about. It was awful. In my opinion it's like a bit of territory marking; the couple have their first dance, as is tradition, and there's a certain type of parent who also wants that moment to remind the spouse that they are still important.”

However, one bride said that for her, the mother and son dance was no big deal.

“I think if your husband-to-be and your MIL both want to, it’s a lovely memory and a way for you to give them something special.

“In a lot of Scotland the second dance is for the father of the bride and the bride, and the groom and his mother together. It certainly was at our wedding.”

Finally, one commenter has a good idea - just play it cool.

“In reality, after the couple’s first dance, no one cares. Everyone joins in, no one is going to sit around and watch her ‘performance’.

“If she wants to find him and dance when her chosen song comes on, she can go nuts!”

Originally published as Mother in law’s ‘cringe’ wedding request