‘My 11-year-old stole hundreds of dollars from us… I’m so hurt’

“This kid is such a stickler for following the rules and yet here he is stealing from his mum and dad. I can barely look at him,” the dad reveals.

Pilar Grace

3 min read

October 8, 2023 - 8:43PM

Primary School

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John* and his wife Marie have a cash pouch system where they contribute money to use for various discretionary expenses.

It’s an easy way to put money aside, and they both contribute and withdraw from the cash pouch regularly.

Unfortunately, the cash pouch is also a source of temptation, not for John and Marie, but for their 11-year-old son Thomas.

“Earlier this week I put $500 in, including three $100 notes. Today I had some extra cash and went to put it in there and found $360 gone,” John explained in a Reddit post.

“I thought my wife may have taken it for whatever reason, but something told me to look in my kid’s backpack, so I did.

“I found one of the $100s and a $20.”

John was shocked and hurt. “My heart broke. I was devastated, crushed. I still am.”

When Marie and Thomas came home, John double-checked that she hadn’t taken the money out.

Marie said she hadn’t. “Then we started to discuss the rest of the money that was supposed to be in there… we started doing the math and realised that hundreds of dollars have been taken.”

They asked Thomas for a chat. “When confronted he had no excuse, no reason and no idea where it all went.”

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John didn't know how to punish his son for stealing. Photo: iStock

Dad devastated to learn son is stealing money

John pressed Thomas; he needed to know how an 11-year-old could spend $700 and have nothing to show for it.

“For the last few weeks, he’s been buying lunch for him and his friends, a new pair of headphones and who knows what else,” he said.

The stealing seemed to go against Thomas’ nature.

“This kid always wants people to follow the rules and is a stickler for the law, and yet here he is stealing from mum and dad.

“I can barely look at him,” he said.

Reddit offers dad parenting advice

There was plenty of advice and feedback in the comments.

The suggestions for punishments ran the gamut from a lifetime of guilt, bringing the kid to the police station to explain his behaviour, to giving him chores until he worked off what he stole.

“Figure out how much he owes you and tell him he needs to earn it back with chores at home,” one person suggested. “Make a chart with the amount he owes and amount he earns. These aren’t normal chores, they’re extra. I realise the child is only 11, but by 11 he knows that parents work for money.”

“When I was 14, I stole $350 from my mum,” one person shared. “That money was her rainy day fund. I bought a Nike jacket and shoes. Initially I got away with it, but one day my mum called me into her room crying and asked me to explain the missing money. I told her I would repay her, but she just left me with the words, ‘I hope I don’t need that money one day and it’s not there. I hope you enjoy what you bought. I hope it makes you feel nice when you wear it’.

“For weeks I was in this pit. I couldn’t even look at the stuff I bought. It ate me alive.

“Years later, on my mum’s 50th birthday I took her to dinner and gave her a card that explained how she taught me never to steal from anyone because it felt like hell for so long. In the card was $350… she finally took it and hugged me and said, ‘This tells me I did my job’.”

Many people said that although the stealing was wrong, it was pretty common, and most people turned out fine.

“I stole candy as a toddler from the grocery. I am a contributing citizen. My five-year-old took $20 from my wallet to hand out in class like some sort of kindergarten Santa Claus. We had a chat, no problems since.”

“Everyone has stolen at some time in their life, from a toddler pocketing candy to more extreme theft,” said another.

*Names have been changed