Advice Needed: I didn't consent the school taking photos of my child, her teacher said I was leaving her out

"I felt the pressure to comply, given all the other parents and didn’t want my daughter to be left out. I don’t want to be labelled as the 'troublemaking' parent."

One mum's dilemma regarding her daughter's digital footprint.

Advice Needed 

My daughter just started kindy this year. I was filling out the forms, and when it came to consent to use our child’s visual image, it asked for “permission to collect, use, and share photographic and video images of my child in whatever medium.” Both my husband and I did not feel comfortable with the blanket statement. So we did not consent. 

A week later we received a call from the teacher. She wanted to follow up on our decision because all the other parents consented except us. She mentioned that when she’s taking photos of the class, she will need to ask our daughter to step aside, which might make her feel left out or she will need to edit her out. She clarified that the pictures would be posted internally on a site for parents only. 

I felt the pressure to comply. Given all the other parents and didn’t want my daughter to be left out. I don’t want to be labelled as the “troublemaking” parent, but after having a conversation with my husband he said, “Nope, I didn’t consent.”  

I’m now torn and don’t know what to do.

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A mother doesn't want her childs photo taken at school. Source: iStock

Jordana’s Advice

Firstly can I say, you aren’t alone. In this day-and-age, there is a concern about our children’s digital footprint. Now, when children are first born, couples need to have a conversation about posting photos online. Do they show faces, use emoji faces, or zero tolerance? Not just for themselves but also a rule for friends and family. If you have a blanket rule that they have no digital footprint, then you can stick to your guns. From privacy breaches, identity theft, digital kidnapping, deepfake technology, Photoshop abuse, to child predators, it’s understandable the fears you have about sharing images of your child.     

There is the question of who owns a child's identity, the parents or the child? Parents feel that when their child is old enough to understand what having a digital presence means, they can make an informed decision about how much or how little visual identity to share. At five years old, she won’t understand this as yet, but it can empower you with your choice.  

I would also put the question to them, what does “whatever medium” mean? This is extremely vague and you don’t know what you are consenting to. You might feel more inclined to change your mind if you knew that it was only for the parents of the class.

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If you are worried about parents sharing images to a wider audience, you can always send a message to the group imploring them not to share any group images to social media. I can understand the desire to agree to image consent, as most parents want to see what their child has been up to during the day. I’m not sure about you, but my children rarely share the ins and outs of their day at pick up. 

In regards to the school pressuring you to change your mind, that is a no, no! On the form, the school gave you an option, not asking what is right for the school. It’s understandable that there’s extra time taken to avoid having your daughter in the shot, or editing her out, but that’s the world we are now living in. I can’t imagine you are the only parents who feel this way.

Whatever you decide to do, stand by your decision and don’t feel guilty.   

Originally published as Advice Needed: I didn't consent the school taking photos of my child, her teacher said I was leaving her out