‘I want to move to another country without my husband and baby, I’m homesick’

“I miss the environment and food of my city,” the mother-to-be said. 

Shani* first met her now-husband, Pete*, in Europe; the two were studying at university and immediately hit it off. 

While Pete was studying in his home country, Shani made the enormous decision to say goodbye to her old life, friends and family, dropping it all and starting fresh in a completely unknown place. 

Eight years later, the pair have married and settled down, and are expecting their first child together. But for Shani, nothing can prevent the desire to return home. 

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Shani wants to move back to her home country. Picture: iStock

“I thought I would be fine living in another country”

Since graduating from university, the couple landed “high paying” jobs, working together to purchase a home and get married. 

And for the most part, Shani is genuinely happy with the way her life is going, and couldn’t ask for a better partner. 

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Plus, now they have a baby on the way, it feels like their lives are settled into place. 

“The problem is that I thought I would be fine living in another country,” she said on Reddit. 

“But being separate from my parents, especially during the COVID-era, clearly affected my mental health and made me sad and miserable.”

Thinking back to when she lived in her own country back in Asia, a wave of calm washes over her. 

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“I'm much happier and calmer living with my parents in my home country,” she confessed. 

When the couple first started dating, the topic of moving back to her country constantly popped up, and as their relationship blossomed and they planned where they would live once they got married, things got tense. 

Shani and Pete have travelled to her home country several times over the years, spending summer holidays with her family and relaxing in the sunshine. For Shani, it was paradise, but not so much for Pete. 

While Pete told Shani he “absolutely loves” her country and family, Shani doesn’t quite buy it. 

“I think my husband doesn't want to move to my country,” she said, upset. “He agreed that we could spend our summer and winter holidays in my country, but [the] rest of the time we live in his country where we own a house.”

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She stressed that she and Pete have a “stable” life together, and thanks to their high-paying jobs, they have the freedom to do what they want. But Shani can’t help but feel “trapped” in her life, “anxious about the thought of having to live in his country for the rest of my life”. 

So she has a solution: “I'm planning to move to my country and work remotely for some time.” 

Despite being pregnant with their first child, Shani has decided she’d like to move back to her home country and “spend many years” back where she grew up. 

What about the child, I hear you ask? She’s got that sorted. “The future child makes it more difficult because of the kindergarten and school, but he can attend school in my country as well,” she said. 

There’s only one problem: her husband isn’t interested. “My husband disagrees with this plan since he doesn't want to abandon his job and our apartment and live in my country,” she said. 

Shani doesn’t care though; she can just move back with the child and leave him behind. “If I moved without him, he would also like to keep our child in his country,” she said, adding that she knows he would be “100 per cent capable” of taking care of their child in his home country instead. 

And before you ask, no, her parents can’t come and live there. “My parents don't speak English, so they can't move to us,” she said. 

Instead, she’s considering dropping her entire life with her husband and future child to return to her home city, because she misses “the environment and food of my city”.

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“Your obligation is to the child”

Online, people could share their sympathies with Shani for her severe homesickness, but they reminded her just how extreme her plan was. 

“You have a child,” someone cautioned her. “Your obligation is to the child. You already knew he didn't want to move to your home country, getting married and having a kid was a terrible idea if your plan was to just abandon them for years at a time.”

“So you want to just abandon your husband and child because you're homesick?” asked another. 

“You’re in a difficult situation, but abandoning your child will affect them for the rest of their life,” wrote a third. 

“At the end of the day, do whatever you like, because forcing yourself to live in his country will just make the whole dynamic extremely toxic for the whole family,” said another.

*Names have been changed

Originally published as ‘I want to move to another country without my husband and baby, I’m homesick’