My ex brainwashed our kids into going on holiday abroad - I won’t let them go

“Like, does a seven-year-old and a 14-year-old really need to experience Japan or England or whatever, they can go when they are 18 and probably appreciate it more?”

Alexandra Feiam

3 min read

August 21, 2023 - 1:06PM

Family Life

Don't miss out on the headlines from Family Life. Followed categories will be added to My News.

Layla* has been divorced from her ex, Peter*, for several years. Together they share two sons, Jackson*, 14, and Alexander*, seven.

Sharing custody, Jackson spends most of his time with his dad, whereas Alexander lives with his mum.

Since divorcing, Peter remarried another woman, much to Layla’s chagrin.

Want to join the family? Sign up to our Kidspot newsletter for more stories like this.

Layla thinks her ex is "brainwashing" their kids into wanting a holiday. Source: iStock

Mum accuses ex-husband of “brainwashing” their kids

“[Peter and I] are not high income, but he somehow landed a wife who makes four times our income,” she wrote on Reddit.

The new couple “frequently’ go on “nice vacations” out of their home in the US and want to start including the kids on the holidays.

But this doesn’t sit well with Layla.

“The kids want their passports now, thanks to [Peter’s] brainwashing,” she wrote.

Due to Layla and Peter’s custody agreement, the American mum would have to provide consent for the kids to leave the country.

While Layla initially agreed to give her sons a passport, she quickly backtracked. “I realised how bad things are in the world right now,” she said.

“I don’t feel like it’s worth the risk and danger of having the kids so far away from me and out of the country with their dad and stepmum.”

Peter approached Layla and asked if he could book an appointment to apply for the kids’ passports.

“I asked where he is even going to be taking the kids, to which he told me he didn’t know yet,” she said. “They just wanted to get the ball rolling because it takes three months to get the passport, and they haven’t planned anything specific.”

This sounded “sketchy” to Layla, and she told her ex that she doesn’t “consent to take them anywhere because of how bad the world is right now” and that she would “never agree, so passports are pointless.”

It was a devastating blow to her kids. Peter accused Layla of “never allowing them to go anywhere” and is, therefore, “robbing [their] kids of experiences.”

For Layla, this isn’t even an issue. “I never have gone out of the country and don’t have a passport, and I am fine, so I don’t really buy it,” she argued.

“Like, does a seven-year-old and a 14-year-old really need to experience Japan or England or whatever, they can go when they are 18 and probably appreciate it more then?”

“Hope she enjoys her kids' resentment towards her for the rest of her life”

Not many sympathised with Layla’s point of view and argued she was jealous of her ex and his new partner.

“This isn't about the rest of the world being unsafe and dangerous (which it isn't),” someone wrote. “This is about you being jealous he married someone who makes more money than you and can introduce your kids to new experiences without you.”

“I love the implication that telling kids about vacations and being able to go to other countries and experience different cultures is 'brainwashing’,” another added.

Some saw an issue with Layla’s issue of safety abroad. “As if safety is a valid reason when the only two countries she mentioned are substantially safer than the US,” a person added.

Some saw through Layla’s reasoning and highlighted the crux of the issue. “There's no brainwashing going on. Travel is a good thing,” a person wrote. “It sounds like you are using this as an excuse to punish your ex, and weaponizing custody is gross.”

Others took issue with Layla’s lack of appreciation for young kids going abroad.

“Experiences are fantastic for kids, I just took my kids abroad for the first time, and they absolutely loved it and built memories,” a parent wrote. “It sucks to be the parent that can't do that, but it's so selfish to rob your children of that experience.”

*Names have been changed.