I lost it at my husband at school pick-up...again

"The worst part was all the school mums saw it. I'm sure they were judging us." Kidspot's Jordana shares her advice for this frustrated mum.

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Advice Needed

I'm usually one to keep my cool in stressful situations, but today, I lost it at my husband in front of some school mums.

He'd forgotten to pick up our son when he was working from home. I got a call from the school saying he was waiting for us while I was at work. It isn't the first time it's happened either, where he's fallen asleep in the afternoon and not set an alarm.

When I arrived, my husband was also there and hadn't been picking up his phone (he missed 5 of my calls). He asked, "What are you doing here?" and I lost it.

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I yelled at him, "I'm here because you can't remember to pick up your f***ing kid."

I immediately saw the looks I got from other parents lingering around, and I felt terrible. I didn't intend to give the impression that he's a neglectful parent.

Now, he's giving me the silent treatment. I'm not sure how to apologise for this one without completely letting him off.

Everyone makes mistakes, but this is the second time since I've returned to work full-time, and it's frustrating. Did I overreact? Is this a normal thing other parents have accidentally done?

Jordana's Advice

We've all been there - without making excuses for your husband. Time's gotten away from us; before you know it, pick-up has passed because school is calling to tell you so.

In saying that, it shouldn't become a habit!

And I get why you lost it. The mental load us mums carry is HUGE. We constantly add to our many balls in the air, and we can't understand how our partners drop the one ball they have to hold. 

If I were to ask those reading this to put up their hands if they've ever lost it at their partner in public, I'm sure I wouldn't be the only one with my hand in the air. Again, we've all been there.

It's awkward, of course, but it's a very human reaction. Forgive yourself for it; once you do, it's time to repair your relationship with your husband. 

Image: iStock

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Address the elephant in the room

While excusing his forgetfulness, you have to apologise for embarrassing him in front of the other parents. It can be hard to grin and bear it, but it is important to address the elephant in the room before coming down on him about his pick-up tardiness.

On occasion, I have been known to scream at my husband. Mostly in front of our kids, also a big 'no no' - but I always make sure to apologise and also reassure the kids that everything is fine.

I don't think you need to tell the other parents that "he's not a dead-beat dad" - but maybe next time you're together, amp up the PDA to avoid any extra chatter. But otherwise, don't ruminate on it.

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What is important to address is your husband's responsibilities. My husband and I have a weekly business meeting. Sexy, I know, but we have a physical calendar for the week, and we know who's dropping off and picking up when someone is out for dinner, where the kids need to be - all the things. It's visual; once my husband sees it in ink, it's committed to memory. 

It also doesn't hurt to give a subtle reminder during the day - I know it's annoying. But in the spirit of avoiding another drama, it might be wise to do so.

Go out for a date night, put the past behind you and focus on what's best for you and your son. 

Good luck for next week! 

Originally published as I lost it at my husband at school pick-up...again