Husband shares pregnancy news without wife's consent

"While I understand that it's her body I think it's unfair that she can tell her support system but I'm not allowed to tell mine." Please note: sensitive content.

A husband and dad-to-be has asked the internet for advice — is he in the wrong for telling his mum that his wife is pregnant, without asking for her consent first?

He explains that he thought he was being completely reasonable as it was "not just her news to share" but instead, "our news".

 The OP begins his post by sharing that he and his wife found out she was pregnant a few days ago, after previously experiencing a miscarriage and trying for a year to conceive again. 

"We are both obviously super happy and excited to become parents," he says. 

Yesterday, during a lunch outing, he shared the news with his mum that left her "thrilled."

But he explains, "When I told my wife that I told my mum and she was immediately upset with me."

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"It's unfair I can't tell my support system"

The OP's wife said she "wasn't ready for people to know" about the pregnancy, especially given her traumatic miscarriage. 

She explained that since her MIL now knows she's pregnant, she'll also know if she miscarries again. 

"When I asked her why that is such a big deal, all she could say was, 'it just is' and that I wouldn't understand," he writes. 

However, OP said he can't see the issue because his mum is an immediate family member and his wife "already told her sister."

"She also never communicated to me that she wanted me to keep the news to myself."

Now, his wife is giving him the silent treatment, but he still doesn't think he's done anything wrong. 

"While I understand that it's her body I think it's unfair that she can tell her support system but I'm not allowed to tell mine."

Image: IStock

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"This isn't your pregnancy"

People in the comments went to town on this one and didn't hesitate to let the OP he was definitely the a**hole.

One person said: "While it is your shared news, you are not the one who is currently watching their body like a hawk for signs of anything amiss. You aren’t the one whose body is now responsible for this new little life and you aren’t the one whose hormones will be swinging wildly. Has her sister had children? She probably wants someone to text every little ache and pain to who can talk her off the ledge, especially during the early days, so that she doesn’t start Googling and freak herself out.

"She does need a support system, and that isn’t saying you don’t but you should have cleared it with her."

Someone else replied, "It’s shared news. Aka: You tell your mum together, and at a minimum, you talk to her before you tell anyone. And yeah… her choosing who she tells until it feels safe is COMPLETELY fair. And if you’re arguing about this, please take the time to get on the same page ASAP cause babies = relationship stress."

And a third made the point, "Honestly OP, your wife is going to deal with much more invasive questions and comments than you will so she should probably have a greater say in sharing the information."

Meanwhile, someone blatantly told him, "This isn't your pregnancy," adding, "The woman is the one going through the physical changes and who has to push a child out of her vagina. They say, ‘Women become mothers the minute they’re pregnant whereas men become fathers after the baby is born’… The trauma of miscarriage hits a woman very differently than it does a man.

"So you should have waited to speak to her when she’s comfortable to share and only then tell the news."

And finally, this man weighed in, saying, "Wow, you really can't be this obtuse. There's no way we as men can fully understand the emotions that women go through if a pregnancy goes wrong. And the more people who know, the more people she might have to tell down the track if something goes wrong, which is just twisting the nice. She's just scared."

Originally published as Husband shares pregnancy news without wife's consent