‘No choice’: Resident’s threatening letter to driveway defecator

An Adelaide woman was caught relieving herself in someone’s front yard. Now, the homeowner has given them an ultimatum.

First, there was the Sydney poo jogger – the infamous runner who wreaked havoc on Roxy Jacenko’s Paddington office in 2019.

Now, it seems there’s the Adelaide driveway defecator – a mystery woman caught relieving herself in someone’s front yard in the suburb of Kensington Gardens.

And while the culprit’s name has had an upgrade, alliteration and all (you could even add in dog-walking driveway defecator to make it catchier), their sneaky behaviour seems to be exactly the same – the incident happened early in the morning; it was recorded on a security camera, and the person’s identity has been threatened to be revealed.

So, what exactly occurred in this latest iteration of public pooping? Is this a replication of other stool-related controversies nationwide?

Adelaide homeowner’s threatening note to poo walker. Picture: Reddit

Dog walking act caught on CCTV

According to a post on social media, the disgruntled homeowner has been putting up signs all around Glynburn Road, in Kensington Gardens, in Adelaide’s East ever since the incident occurred on April 26.

“To the lady who defecated on our driveway,” the sign, plastered to signposts with bright blue tape, begins.

“At approximately 7:15am this morning (26 April), while walking your dog, you were recorded on our security cameras, defecating on our private driveway.

“We have clear video footage of the incident. You have 48 hours to return and properly clean up the mess.

“If not, we will have no choice but to circulate photos from the footage to identify you.”

They then concluded their message with a plea for them to “please do the right thing”.

Glynburn Road, in Kensington Gardens. Picture: Google Maps

Locals weigh in

According to The Advertiser, residents are both amused and shocked, with one anonymous local saying their teenagers thought it was “hilarious”.

“One of them was in complete disbelief,” they told the outlet.

Another person said they were “sad for the people it happened to,” but shared sympathy for the public plopper, assuming they were likely in a position where they were “stuck”.

People have … questions

Comments online shared equally divided sentiments. However, ultimately a lot of people just had a lot of questions about the bowel-related blunder.

Firstly, and quite understandably, why would someone do this?

Secondly, why would the homeowner leave human excrement on their driveway for up to 48 hours before cleaning it up?

Surely they’d hose it off before taking to the streets “and running the local neighbourhood chapter of Shartwatch”, as one commenter so eloquently put it.

Meanwhile, others wondered whether the signmaker really had CCTV footage of the “bog walker” or if they were just bluffing in order to get them to come forward.

Any resolution?

Anyway, it seems like the 48-hour window has well and truly passed, and our attempts to find any kind of follow-up have come up dry – so we can safely assume that this matter has been resolved and the phantom pooper has managed to escape public shaming and will drift off into anonymity.

Bye for now … until the next curious case arises!

Originally published as ‘No choice’: Resident’s threatening letter to driveway defecator