Men are going into 'monk mode' to avoid their feelings

At what cost?

Is monk mode really that productive? Image: Getty

Men are going into #monkmode to avoid being bogged down by distractions, but rather than encouraging healthy techniques for focus and discipline, it asks men to stamp down their feelings and harden themselves against temptation. 

There are many things in this life I would rather do than an extreme workout. That’s not to say I don’t enjoy exercise, I do, but if presented with the opportunity to pick between something fun and something physically very exhausting, it’s not going to be the workout.

Now what if we took that scenario and upped the stakes, say, by asking people to choose between a heroic display of physical prowess or talking about their feelings? Many people would find that to be an easy choice – I’d choose the latter every time. In fact, I choose the latter even when there is no ultimatum. 

Fortunately, that is a hypothetical scenario. No one’s forcing anyone to be overtly emotional on a day-to-day basis, yet many men have chosen not to see it as such – pushing themselves to go into “monk mode” rather than succumbing to distractions like feelings or relationships. And my only question is why?

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TikTok’s been a busy place for the ladies as of late. With trends like rat girl summer, girl dinner, girl maths – the girls have been innovating, sharing, learning and generally self-improving all year long. 

Yet over on another side of TikTok, there’s been a regression of sorts. Trending on the app since earlier this year, and now with over 71.3 million views,  #monkmode sees men going into a state of ultra focus to hone in on their mission and distance themselves from distraction. Instead, they're encouraged to work out, do ice baths and focus on money-making endeavours that will see them succeed.  

It gets its name from Buddhist monks who disconnect from the outside world to focus without interruptions. But while their aim is enlightenment, men going into #monkmode do so to gain muscles and make money. 

TikTok creator @imdavidhammond is a staunch supporter of the monk mode movement, and describes it as "refraining from the 3D matrix world to find your purpose and triple down".

If you too think that sounds like utter crap, then this explanation might help. He continues, “The reason these two things are exclusive is because it’s very hard to truly find your mission when you are attached to things deterring you.” 

@imdavidhammond

♬ original sound - David Hammond | Self-Developed

What does that ‘3D matrix’ look like exactly? “Everything. Partying, drugs, alcohol, sex, women, dating apps.

“All of these things move you further away from your mission and more into the matrix.’

As a headline, it’s laughable, the idea that men are trying to embody monks in an attempt to maximise success, and if that’s all it was, then it would be funny. But the reality is far darker – it’s worrying, and it’s scary, because it’s not a movement not driven by success, that’s just the cover art. 

It’s toxic masculinity at its very finest, and perpetuated by dangerous online figures like Andrew Tate. The idea that ‘women’ and ‘sex’ are ‘part of the matrix’ and ‘a distraction’ to a higher important mission is nothing short of science fiction, and also drives home the message that men shouldn’t speak about or have emotions, or act on them.

It’s a movement coded in misogyny and sexism, not just at the detriment of women but of men too. Years of masculine teachings have encouraged men to keep their heads down and push their feelings aside and it’s only in the last decade that we’ve made any tangible leeway. What kind of message does it send if men are being encouraged to shove it all back down again and lock themselves away? 

Men being told to shut themselves off from women and sex is not conducive to wellness, shocker. Image: Getty

It’s an interesting antithesis to the ‘lazy girl’ movement trending on another side of TikTok, that sees mostly women reject hustle culture and lean into easy 9-to-5 jobs that don’t encroach on their personal boundaries. There are arguments for or against such a mentality, but the central tenant of work-life balance is sound. 

Meanwhile over in GuyTok, they’re pushing themselves to the absolute brink of physical exhaustion – and for what? To avoid the risk that they might come across as slightly human? To quote another TikTok trend, it’s utterly delulu. 

It’s definitely not as simple as a male creators versus female creators mentality, either. At this point hopefully we all know that collective descriptions are wildly incorrect and unhelpfully generalised. But it’s weird, that while one side of the app is focused on reclaiming boundaries and more or less learning to be healthier, happier and less toxic, the other side has taken an utterly different spin on the matter, pushing themselves further, hardening themselves to the world, and bottling up emotions like they’ve done for the last million years. 

It’s almost like a hangover from the superhero figures little boys grew up deifying: so purposefully focused and strong that nothing could touch them. Remember that scene in Batman Begins where Christian Bale becomes a ninja under Liam Neeson’s tutelage? Basically it’s that, but in busy metropolitan cities instead of a mojo dojo casa house at the top of a mountain.

The monks would be disappointed with #monkmode. Image: Getty

The problem is, if those going into monk mode are using these films and comics with outlandish displays of focus and physical aptitude as their true north, they’ve kind of missed the point: that love is ultimately the one thing that unpins an untouchable facade. Pretty much all of these characters learn that while physical strength is one thing, emotional development is another all together, and without giving airtime to their feelings and relationships, they’re nothing. 

There’s no easy solution to undoing years of conditioned hardness, especially when high-profile creators are only fostering it. But I do have a feasible first step: reject the TikTok-ified version of monk mode, in all its forms. 

There’s something to be said for working hard and buckling down so you can achieve your dreams and up-scale your health – that’s great. But it’s another matter entirely to do so at the expense of your humanity, and not at all what the monks intended. 

Originally published as Men are going into 'monk mode' to avoid their feelings