Kerry Parnell: Do Beyonce proud and don’t be a slob this Christmas

After two years in lockdown I fear we’ve collectively lost the art of getting dressed up it’s time to pull the good gear out of the closet and turn it on this Christmas.

Be like Beyonce and bling it on this Christmas. We’ve spent nearly all year slobbing about in leisure-wear thanks to interminable lockdowns, so if ever there was a time to get dressed up, it’s now – while we can.

Beyonce this week went all out in a top-to-toe crystallised outfit so dazzling she could turn into a mirror-ball-istic weapon if she stood in a shaft of light. It’s a good job she’s not having an Australian Christmas – she would burn your retinas out if she caught the sun in that ensemble.

The singer, who just made the Forbes’ 2021 World’s Most Powerful Women List alongside philanthropists MacKenzie Scott and Melinda Gates and pop stars Rihanna and Taylor Swift, sported the most festive outfit in the history of Christmas on Tuesday.

Bling it up like Beyonce this Christmas. Picture: Instagram

She posted photos on Instagram of her wearing top-to-toe glitter, in a Balenciaga x Gucci collaboration silver jacket, matching pantaleggings (trousers and boots combined, oh my), rhinestone fingerless gloves and heart bag. You can tell they are from the Balenciaga x Gucci Hacker Project, because the words Balenciaga and Gucci are helpfully stamped all over the jacket. I’d give it a go, but Kmart x Target doesn’t have the same effect, annoyingly.

It’s not subtle, granted, but to be fair, if you’re Beyonce, you can rock whatever you damn well like and the result is all business and no bauble.

In years gone past, it used to be a fashion truth that wearing too many sequins at once took your look from daring to scaring and made you that person at the work Christmas party in an antler headband and Santa ear-rings who tells everyone it’s the only night out they have had this year, without words.

But not anymore – thanks to the pandemic, none of us have had many, or any, outings this year and we’ve all become the Ned Flanders of the Christmas party. So, we may as well just go for it.

This is not the year for reindeer antlers.

I went out for dinner with old friends recently and decided to wear a red dress, it being Christmas.

I had bought the frock this time last year for a special occasion that got cancelled, like life, and it has been hanging, forlorn and unworn, in my wardrobe for 12 months. If it’s good enough for Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, it’s good enough for me, I thought. Foolishly.

When I arrived, the rest of the party – and indeed the restaurant – were wearing jeans and I stood out like a traffic light stuck on stop. “Nice dress,” one diner commented as I walked past and I can’t be certain if she whispered “Hey-dley doo-dley,” to my retreating back, or if I was just being paranoid.

I fear we’ve collectively lost the art of getting dressed up, or frankly, in some cases, getting dressed. But if you can’t frock up at Christmas, then we’re doomed.

I won’t be defeated – this weekend, I’m fishing out my sparkly jacket last worn in 2013 and going full Queen Bey, never mind the other diners’ eyesight. Okily Dokily?

WHY RIHANNA IS TRUE BARBADOS ROYALTY

Calling Rihanna the new Queen of Barbados, after the nation ditched the monarchy and became a republic this week, is frankly absurd.

Rihanna is no queen – she’s an absolute goddess.

It was impossible to take your eyes off her at the ceremony in the Caribbean island on Monday night.

Rihanna, who was declared a National Hero during the event, was resplendent in an orange silk goddess-style Bottega Veneta gown. She looked truly magnificent and certainly dazzled Prince Charles, who was positively beaming behind his mask, as he was snapped clasping her hands and having a chat. Look, if there was anyone you’d be happy to hand over the reins to, it would be Rihanna.

At the Pride Of Nationhood ceremony in Bridgetown, Prime Minister Mia Mottley told the billionaire pop star and fashion and beauty mogul, “May you continue to shine like a diamond and bring honour to your nation by your works, by your actions,” which you can bet her speechwriting team high-fived themselves about and Rihanna has heard 563 times this year already. But no matter.

Rihanna attends the Presidential Inauguration Ceremony at Heroes Square in Barbados. Picture: Jonathan Brady/Getty

Rihanna, who was born Robyn Rihanna Fenty and grew up in Barbados before moving to the US, is the 11th person to be given the honour and only the second woman — joining 19th century activist Sarah Ann Gill. She can now call herself the Right Honourable Rihanna. Quite right, too.

Meanwhile, poor old Prince Charles was in a right honourable state on Monday, as he attended the midnight ceremony and was spotted dropping off in the middle of it at one point. The 73-year-old must have been shattered what with a mix of jet-lag, humid heat, late-night and long speeches, but he executed a tremendous recovery as he did an ignominious head nod, jerking back into action and pretending to peruse his pamphlet. I feel there should have been some sort of award for that.

Prince Charles congratulates singer Rihanna. Picture: Randy Brooks/AFP

Charles should have had a word with Queen Rihanna, as she could have loaned him some of her new pyjamas, if only she’d known HRH needed a nap.

Her new Savage X Fenty jim-jams come in a tartan print and the star modelled them on Instagram Stories last weekend. The sleepwear set looks super-cute from the front, until she turns around and you realise the pyjama bottoms have no bum. Or a lot of bum, depending on your perspective.

The Tied Up Tartan Open-Back PJ Pants are “a spin on classic holiday pyjamas” with “an open bum to show off what you want, Savage style,” according to the website blurb. It gives a whole new meaning to getting up at the crack of dawn to open your presents.

They won’t exactly protect the crown jewels, but they would have been just the thing to pep up Prince Charles with a bit of Bajan breeze. I’d like to think Rihanna gifted him some in the VIP goodie bag at the Barbados Leaving Party.

Queen or not, as long as she doesn’t Take a Bow whilst wearing them, it’s all good.