Is the nude selfie officially dead?
No d*ck pics needed, thank you
Lifestyle
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To send or not to send is the question more people should be asking, because according to the Body+Soul 2024 Sex Census, nude selfies are a thing of the past.
Whether you love ‘em or hate ‘em, there’s one thing we can all agree on: sending a nude photo is a dicey move.
It's been controversial ever since smartphones went mainstream, but it was one little app that really shook up the market when it came to sexting.
“[The landscape] changed when Snapchat came in, before people understood what [it] was and that you could save photos or take photos of photos,” dating and relationship coach Beck Thompson tells Body+Soul. “It was like, ‘Oh, you can just do these things and no one will have track of it anywhere’.”
Snapchat may not be the host of your nude negotiations now, with dating apps quickly filling that role thanks to the anonymity they created. As a result, there's a whole new host of things to consider.
“People do lots of things that they wouldn't have done prior to online dating because they can now get away with it in a way – because people don't know who they are,” Thompson explains. “There’s a lot of married people on dating apps as well who don't want something serious, so perhaps they're just trying to get pics or sex.”
So what about the sexting landscape now? The Body+Soul 2024 Sex Census found that almost one in four Aussies have sent an ‘intimate’ image to a partner, and 18 per cent have requested or received a sexy snapshot.
But what's more interesting is the data that reveals plenty of us aren’t happy about it. And in news that will serve as no surprise to anyone who’s ever received an unsolicited d*ck pic, it’s mostly women.
Unhappy recipients
In the survey of over 2,000 people, 42 per cent of men said receiving intimate or explicit photos from people makes them horny, compared to just 16 per cent of women. Similarly, 40 per cent of men said they got excited, compared to 18 per cent of women, and 39 per cent felt aroused, versus only 20 per cent of women feeling the same.
On the flip side, 26 per cent of women actually said NSFW pics were a ‘turn off’, to which only seven per cent of men agreed, 20 per cent of women were ‘creeped out’, compared with seven per cent of men, and 14 per cent of women were disgusted, versus only five per cent of men.
All up, 76 per cent of men have a positive emotional response to receiving an explicit image, compared to a mere 36 per cent of women.
This begs the question: could this vastly disparate response have something to do with the fact that 14 per cent of survey respondents have received a provocative pic from someone they didn’t know well?
As a girl on the receiving end of a lot of unsolicited snaps I wish I could unsee, I can confirm there are a lot of people inundating inboxes with unwanted content.
“A lot of the women I work with get sent nudes and are like, ‘I didn't ask you to send me this, why am I getting it, and I also don't want it’,” says Thompson. “It almost feels like an invasion of their privacy, even though it's not their photo. They're like, ‘I didn't want to see your penis and you've just sent it to me’.
Alternatively, many other women speak of being "asked for [a nude photo] so early on in the dating game, and they're just so cautious about it. They're worried about their picture being used or shared and privacy around it," she continues.
"They're cautious in terms of, like, ‘Hang on, you haven't even got to know me’. Because I suppose most of the women I'm working with are looking for serious relationships, so they're thinking, ‘If you're asking me for that so early on, and you don't even know what my favourite meal is, that's out of order’.”
This brings me to my favourite statistic.
The (equal) biggest response women have to being sent intimately explicit images? Amusement – with 26 per cent finding something comical about what they received. And you betcha they had a laugh about it over brunch with their girlfriends.
“They do find it funny and make a joke of it, particularly because of the ‘Oh, I didn't want this’ aspect,” Thompson says. “But that also kind of shows how desensitised we are to receiving them all the time, because it's not shocking anymore and that's slightly concerning.”
What to do when someone propositions you with a pic
#1. Sending nudes
“It all depends on what your comfort level is and what you want to do,” Thompson says. “But just be really clear and set boundaries around if you’re okay with that or if you’re not okay with that, and if that's a red flag for you or not.
“Some people are super comfortable with sharing nudes, but if you're not, don't send it. It's up to you to put that boundary in place. People can ask for whatever they want from you, and it's up to you to say, ‘No, I'm not going to do that, I’m not comfortable with that.’
“I think it's just about boundaries.”
#2. Receiving nudes
“If you don’t want it, I'd again be really clear around the boundary,” says Thompson. “You could say, ‘I wasn't okay with you sending that to me, please don't send it to me’, or ‘Please don’t contact me again’. Or whatever it is that you want to, whatever boundary it is that you want to put in place.
“If you're okay with it, great, continue the conversation. But if you're not, then I'd be letting them know that. Even over ghosting them, I'd be letting them know that you were not okay with that behaviour so they can kind of read the room.”
Is it a dealbreaker?
Maybe you’ve met your dreamboat and they’ve gone ahead and asked for a photo, or sent a suggestive snap. Where do you go from there?
“Everything is open to having a conversation around,” says Thompson. “Someone can do something you're not okay with initially, but if you haven't said that you're not okay with that yet, then it's about you putting that boundary in place and seeing their response.
“If it's early on in your relationship and your dating profile says that you're open to something serious and they send [an unsolicited nude] to you or ask for [one] very early on, that's generally a sign that they're not up for anything very serious.”
When a nude selfie can be a good thing
Nudes aren't all unsolicited. And they can be great for your relationship if both parties are enthusiastically consenting.
“I think it’s another way of flirting in the beginning,” Thompson explains. “It’s just about it being reciprocal and you both wanting to engage in it. I think the problem is when it's one-sided that it doesn't work.”
Where it also works, is in spicing up long-term relationships.
“Even suggestive photos, not completely nude, can entice you,” says the dating coach. “I think it just adds that spark back because it’s the kind of activity that we generally only do when we're dating early on, and sometimes people forget to have a little bit more fun when they're in serious, long-term relationships. But having fun and playing with your partner and doing something like that can lighten it.”
The verdict: is the nude selfie dead?
“I think it's dying in certain situations,” Thompson admits. “In terms of women getting fed up with certain behaviour from men, so men have to adjust the way that they treat women and the respect that is given towards women.
“I think it's a sign of the overall change to women's attitudes, around what they're wanting out of men. But I don't think it's dead. I don't think it will ever die. I think there'll be a place for it as long as it's consensual.”
Originally published as Is the nude selfie officially dead?
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