Inside the relationship of Candice and David Warner
'Tough times brought us even closer'
Lifestyle
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Their relationship has been the centre of some very public scandals, but what was it like for Aussie cricketer, David Warner, and wife Candice in the middle of the storm? And how will they deal with the next phase of their relationship with David’s retirement from Test cricket? The couple share all in this Body+Soul exclusive.
It’s the guilt that gets to cricketer David Warner the most. Not the guilt around previous scandals or career mishaps, or how his chosen profession has allowed for a toxic environment that targets his wife, former Ironwoman, Candice (more on that later). For David, it’s the guilt that comes with being away from home for 300 days of the year playing cricket, knowing that Candice is essentially raising their three girls – Ivy Mae, nine, Indi Rae, seven, and Isla Rose, four – on her own.
“When I’m away and she’s at home with the kids, feeding them, maybe Isla’s crying, and I’m going to dinner with the guys or having a beer in the bar... I feel guilty that I’m not there to help handle those situations,” the 36-year-old tells Body+Soul on the phone from India.
The veteran opening batsman is on the team bus, en route from the airport in Delhi to his hotel, when I finally get the chance to chat with him. He’s just arrived in India for a three-match one-day international series, after a brief tour of South Africa, where the time difference proved difficult to lock in a call. It’s a tiny glimpse into the logistical challenges he and Candice face as a couple and as parents, and a big reason he “cannot wait” to retire from Test cricket this summer.
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“It’s time to let Candice do what she wants to do, and it’s time for me to spend some time with the kids. So, I’m looking forward to that and just being back home and being part of the family,” he says about his decision. “The reason we’re so strong together is that we both understood what we were getting into [when we started a family]. It’s been a big sacrifice for Candice. I extremely admire her for what she’s been doing for our family. I owe a lot to her and I will repay that over my lifetime for sure.”
Candice, however, will tell you she sees that “sacrifice” differently. A few days before speaking with David, I’m sitting with her at a cafe in the Sydney beachside suburb of Maroubra, where they’ve just finished building their family’s “forever home”. Over a green juice with extra kale, Candice says that, yes, it’s true she’s been single parenting for a while now, leaning on the discipline she refined as an athlete to stay on top of all the before-and-after-school activities their three sports-loving daughters are into. (“I’m teaching my kids the importance of being organised. Look, it’s a little bit military, but it works for us,” she says.)
And, yes, she’s had to put her career aspirations on hold, especially in the early days of their marriage when the young family was travelling with David a lot more. “But I’m happy to do that,” says the 38-year-old. “I feel like Dave and I work so well as a team. I believe that when he achieves and succeeds, we succeed as a family. It’s not just what he does on the field, but it’s everything off the field. I believe you can’t be a top athlete and play at the best of your ability if things off the field aren’t all aligned, right? So it’s a team effort.”
And in Team Warner, it’s Candice who keeps the family together. As David says, “She’s our rock. She’s the one we gain strength from.” There was no other time that strength was truly tested than in 2018 during the ball-tampering scandal in Cape Town, South Africa, when David was suspended from playing for a year and issued with a lifetime leadership ban for his role in the incident.
“It was brutal,” says Candice honestly. “David’s first love is his job and when it’s taken away from you, you lose your identity, you lose yourself. And it’s very easy to sit there and [think], ‘Why me?’ and feel pity [for yourself]. That’s natural, but it’s also so easy to do.
“And after a few months of that, I was like, ‘You’re not dead. Your career isn’t over. At this stage, there’s no cricket for Australia, but it’s quite possible that you could play again. So if you get that opportunity, you need to be ready.’ That honest, raw conversation really helped him flick a switch. And then it was just on. He was an athlete like I’d never seen before. He just had complete tunnel vision. I was incredibly proud of him.”
It was a tough time that could have broken their relationship, but it did the opposite. “I think it brought us even closer,” says Candice. “He needed me, the girls needed their dad. It would’ve been very easy for him to just lose himself and get very depressed. But to see him so strong, and I think for him to see me being able to guide him, it gave us so much respect for one another, that we always had, but just on another level.”
All this didn’t alleviate Candice’s feelings at the time that ‘Sandpapergate’ was actually her fault. “Looking back now, I know it had nothing to do with me. But back then, in the context of the two previous Test matches. I was being heavily targeted by the crowd and by a South African player. It was all over the media. It was so public,” she says.
“Like I said before, we’re a team and we bring out the best in each another. So to be on tour and feel like I’m not bringing out the best in him, and me being there is actually a distraction… That’s where I was like, ‘It’s all my fault. If I was never here, it may have never boiled down to this. Tensions may not have gotten to where they did.’
“They were targeting David to distract him and to put him off his game. And by targeting him, they were also targeting me.” Did David ever feel guilty about that? That if it wasn’t for his job, cricket fans wouldn’t be digging up Candice’s past and targeting her? “No-one’s ever asked me that. I have no idea. No idea,” says Candice. “But I would never make him feel guilty, because you know what the sad reality is? I learnt to accept it, because it had been going on for so many years. It was part and parcel of the package that if you’re with me, this is what happens.”
What Candice does know is that if David wasn’t travelling around the world for cricket, she would’ve liked a bigger family. “People often ask, ‘Are you going to have another [child]? And I think if Dave didn’t travel so much then, yeah, I always wanted four.” “You never say never,” she says of not shutting down the possibility, “but it’s highly unlikely that we would have another child.” When I mention this to David a few days later, his answer is swift. “No chance,” he laughs.
With his retirement from Test cricket looming, I ask if he would still be finishing up in January if he had successfully overturned the lifetime leadership ban. “Yeah, definitely,” he says. “My call was about my family and had nothing to do with the other stuff.” But this doesn’t signal the end of cricket for David. “I’ll still play the Twenty20 franchises around the world. It will give me more flexibility. I can pick and choose where I’m going and how long for, so that will be handy.”
While ferrying his daughters to and from netball, Oztag, cricket and soccer training is in his near future, so is coaching. “Yeah, I’ll definitely coach at some stage, one hundred per cent. I’ll just give myself a little bit of distance at first to get my head around how that landscape looks. My own belief is that you can’t just go straight into it. You always feel, as a player, you’ve got the answers, but you don’t necessarily… It’s completely different to playing.”
With his extra time, David also plans on “[playing] a bit of golf and working on the brewery”. The Warners, along with other investors in the St Andrews Beach Brewery, including racehorse trainer, Michael Freedman, and jockey Tommy Berry, initially put the Mornington Peninsula business on the market for over $20 million. They’ve since decided to hold on to it. “We’re going to invest a bit more capital into an expansion, because we’re going into Melbourne Olympic Park. From our perspective [we want] to see that contract go through and keep building it from there.”
So, is there anything that scares him about retirement? “No, I’m very happy. I can’t wait. I’ve well and truly spent enough time on the road. I’m going to still spend some time on the road,” he adds, “but more at my leisure and with myself actually dictating when and where I go. So I’m happy to sit back and enjoy the commentary [work] and the Twenty20 leagues around the world.” And how does Candice feel about David’s impending retirement, after spending most of their marriage apart?
“Am I ready to have him home more? I don’t know,” she jokes. “I know that when he comes home, the washing increases. He’s spent most of his adult life in hotels, where people pick up after you and wash your clothes. I’m happy to care for him and wash his clothes and stuff, but he needs to learn to pick his own clothes up and he’s got to learn to stack the dishwasher properly. I tell you, the way he does it kills me,” she laughs. As David admits with a smile in his voice, “My ‘tidy’ is a bit different to Candice’s ‘tidy’ we’ll agree to disagree.”
Although, the couple aren’t going into this new phase of their relationship totally blind. “We got a bit of a taste of what the future would look like in 2018 during Dave’s suspension. He was home for quite a lot then. We got through it, and we actually enjoyed each other’s company.” All the small things that they never usually get to do together – like go for walks and runs, chat on the lounge, binge on a Netflix series and share the parenting load – was what she enjoyed the most. “To have the man I love next to me, doing all those things, felt incredible.” Based on all this, says Candice, “I think we are really going to enjoy it.”
The Warners’ tips to keep the spark alive
Spending more of their time apart than together has meant David and Candice have had to find other ways to stay connected. So we asked for their secrets to forging a stronger marriage.
#1. Genuinely enjoy each other’s company
“I think we just bring the best out in each other and we’re always smiling, we’re always having a giggle with each other. We see the positive in everything,” says David. “So for us, we’re always having a good time and loving each other’s company. There’s a lot of laughs in our relationship, and that sticks out for me.”
#2. Let the other person know you’re thinking about them
When the family is about to leave after touring with David, Candice will hide Post-It notes around his room with messages saying “I love you, have a great day” that he’ll find when he goes to his training bag or when he goes to brush his teeth, she says. “It’s just trying to do little things like that.” As for David, he’ll go overboard on the flowers. “When I’m away, I tend to send flowers quite often. Normally, by the time I get back home, it’s like she’s got a florist there,” he laughs.
#3. Make open and honest communication a priority
“For us, it’s about having really good communication. Sometimes it’s difficult because of the time zones – especially when he’s in South Africa, as he’s going to bed as we’re waking up. So I make sure I’m filling him in with things during the day,” says Candice. “I’ll text him, send photos and videos of the girls and make sure he still feels included in everything.”
#4. Get alone time as a couple when you can
When the family travels overseas to spend time with David, Candice will usually bring her mum along to help with the girls. “It means we can have time together as a couple, which is so important that we’re strong,” she says. “It allows us to go on dinners, or we love walking or running. So having those few hours just to talk about things, just to reconnect, that’s super important.”
Originally published as Inside the relationship of Candice and David Warner
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