I'm a child psychologist, here are my tips to manage the school holidays

"If you do have to work through the school holidays, planning ahead becomes even more important."

School holidays are upon us… again. 

Every time they roll around a familiar question pops up, especially from working parents - how to best manage children during these times of little routine?

Even if your child is not yet school-aged, school holidays are likely to impact your life - the shopping centre is busier, and some of your regular activities may be on hiatus.

Holidays can evoke emotionally volatile behaviour in children for a number of reasons. By nature, these periods are more fluid and unpredictable than regular life - it's part of the charm for some of us.

But the loss of the structure provided by our day-to-day routine certainly leaves many kids with mixed emotions. The excitement of a break, more time with the family or going on a holiday can become muddled with feeling unsettled, bored and frustrated with siblings!

And that’s just the kids we’re talking about… add to this the mental load that comes with squeezing all of the above into your working day and we have a recipe for potential disaster!

But, there is one strategy that time and time again I recommend to the parents in my practice. A tool that allows them to support the emotional unease of their children while simultaneously servicing their own difficulties with managing work. 

And that tool is…structure. Embed structure into your holidays. 

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"Children need boundaries to feel safe"

Whether you’re juggling work and kids at home, or away on holiday somewhere - structure is your friend. Yes, it can be tempting to throw all the rules and routines out the window over these periods, but in all honesty - losing the structure might only make your life harder! 

Why? Because when kids don’t have structure, rules, boundaries and expectations - they can actually start to feel ‘unsafe’. Children need boundaries to know that you’re looking out for them. It’s when the boundaries keep moving, or are removed altogether we tend to see an increase in challenging behaviours. 

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I always recommend that prior to the school holidays, working parents sit down and map out a calendar full of the things they anticipate are going to be required of them each day over that period. Marking out when and where you are working and where the kids will be is a good start. Other points to consider:

• Noting down your availability for playdates so you can arrange these in advance with other parents if needed.
• Noting down times when it would be convenient for your children to be looked after by someone else or go on a playdate.
• Pencilling in windows of opportunity for special activities.
• Scheduling regular household activities like grocery shopping and cleaning if needed.

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Tips to make the school holidays easier

Here are some ways to make the school holidays easier on the whole family regardless of where you are or what you’re doing:

• Set up clear rules for your family and be consistent with them.
• Use visual schedules and calendars to show your child what's planned for the week, or day, ahead.
• Allow a sense of control for your child - get them to suggest a list of things they’d like to do/achieve over the holidays (see my holiday hack below).
• Schedule some downtime for your child to just be at home. This gives them time to process information and to be removed from overstimulating/overwhelming environments. Depending on the child, this might need to happen every day or every couple of days.
• Let them get bored from time to time; it can do wonders for your child’s creativity. Boredom will encourage them to think outside the box. 
• Plan for each day to fit into a vague routine - be as specific as you feel your child needs.

HOLIDAY HACK: Avoid ‘decision paralysis’ and write two lists of activities with your children - one for extreme weather days and one full of outdoor adventures. Have them take turns choosing the day’s activity based on their preference and the weather.

The activities can be as extravagant or cheap-and-cheerful as you like. I find a mixture is best; a couple of special treats mixed with park playdates and home movie nights keeps the school holiday budget in check. You’ll find they get just as much enjoyment out of the low-key activities as they do the big-ticket ones due to the sense of ownership created when making the decision.

Not every day needs to be jam-packed full of adventure

If you do have to work through the school holidays, planning ahead becomes even more important.

Call on your community to help you through the next couple of weeks; enlisting the help of family and friends is always a winning move when time is hard to come by.

Make sure your children are well-versed in their care plan, too, so they know what’s coming up over the next few days. This will soften the blow for them emotionally when it comes time to say goodbye to you for a few hours.

As tough as it can be to juggle and organise, school holidays are some of the most treasured days of family life. Enjoy each other’s company (with well-placed breaks here and there).

Remind yourself that not every day needs to be jam-packed full of adventure, there is beauty in boredom, and that your children witnessing your work (within healthy limits) is role-modelling wonderful behaviour that can set up positive self-expectations for the long term.

Amanda Abel is a paediatric psychologist, mum, founder of Northern Centre for Child Development, and co-founder of the Toddler Toolkit. Amanda’s mission is for every child to achieve their best outcomes by equipping families and educators with the tools they need to help kids thrive.

Originally published as I'm a child psychologist, here are my tips to manage the school holidays