How to talk to girls about food, according to paediatric nutritionist

An Aussie expert explains how to navigate conversations about healthy eating without causing long-term damage. 

Take a moment to reflect on your earliest experience with food. It may be a special birthday cake at a family celebration that springs to mind. Or baking with a parent or grandparent, sitting down to a big family meal, or enjoying treats as a family while watching a movie on a Saturday night.

Then, there are plenty of us whose early food experiences are not so pleasant, with many a memory associated with diets, restrictions, and negative weight-related commentary. Early experiences which can impact the relationships we have with food, for life.

Naturally, as parents, we do the best job that we have the capacity to do, and for many of us, this means trying to always do things better, and not repeating the mistakes of our past.

In the area of foods and diets, especially for mothers of girls, this can be especially tricky. While we do not want to pass on any negative associations between eating certain foods, dieting and body image, we also do not want to teach children that they should and can eat whatever they like, when they like - it is a delicate balance.

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It is important to be honest

Often in our quest to protect children, we are overly cautious, opting to avoid certain topics for fear of saying the wrong thing, when ultimately food and nutrition are areas that will impact us all in life and it is ok to speak in an open and honest way about food.

For example, there is nothing wrong with explaining why certain foods are not so good for us, and that some foods have a lot more sugar or energy, and as such should not be consumed freely.

Or, in the case of weight-related questions, that different people will grow at different speeds, and to keep the body healthy sometimes we need to move more. All of these conversations can be had using general, minus any overly emotional language and answered honestly without fear of causing undue harm to children and even teens.

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How to talk to your children about food without causing damage. Image: iStock

Keep the focus on food as fuel

Children, especially small children, are seeking clear answers when they have questions.

They, unlike us, will not have attached emotions to areas of diet and lifestyle we may have, and as such, focusing on foods as fuel for the body, and sharing the notion that some foods are better fuel for the body than others is an easy way to communicate the role food has in the body.

For example, in the case of discretionary foods, these are foods that have a lot of energy and for this reason, we can’t eat too much of them because it is not healthy for the body.

Different people eat differently

A common area of concern is for mums to worry if they are seen to be eating differently from their children or the family, in case it inadvertently promotes dietary restriction as an aspirational goal for young girls and teens.

Indeed, family meal times are strongly associated with better psychosocial functioning, especially in adolescents. The strategy and messaging here are simple, different people have different dietary needs.

An active teen needs a lot more food, than far less active parents – keep the focus on fuel rather than any type of diet or restriction.

In terms of family meals, this may simply translate into meals being served from the middle of the table so that each family member can serve what he or she needs, and the difference between meals is not so obvious as when plated meals are served.  

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Bodies change and grow at different times

In the case in which there are distinct physical changes, such as pubertal changes that can occur over a wide range of ages and may be associated with rapid weight gain, especially for girls, again the message is that different people grow at different rates.

In the case of concern about weight gain, simply reassure your teen that this is normal, and if you are feeling unhappy in your body, let’s get out and move more so you feel fit and strong, rather than any focus on food or dietary restriction.

Set the best example you can

Indeed, what we say to our children is powerful, but nothing is more powerful than action.

This means that instilling a healthy mindset in our children and teens, specifically in the areas of diet and exercise is much more about modelling strong behaviours than it is about what we say.

If you want your kids to be more active, be more active yourself. If you want them to eat less junk food, stop buying it. And, if you want them to eat a healthier diet, make sure that it is what you too are eating.

Ultimately human beings become like those they spend the most time with, which means in general, healthy, fit parents have healthy, fit children.

Originally published as How to talk to girls about food, according to paediatric nutritionist