Woman’s heroic act before ending her life

Kay Henderson caught the world’s attention when she revealed that she would end her life – now her family has shed light on her final moments.

Kay Henderson quickly caught Australia — and the world’s — attention when she revealed that after decades battling Marfan Syndrome she would turn to voluntary assisted dying to end her life.

The NSW woman had been in pain for years. She couldn’t go to the bathroom alone, write, walk more than a few metres or brush her hair because of the genetic disorder that caused problems with the development of connective tissue supporting bones, muscles, ligaments and internal organs.

Kay, from Coffs Harbour, started to share the last month of her life on TikTok, where she only had 167 followers.

But, on the morning of her death last week, close to 60,000 people were following Kay’s journey, with her brave journey initially appeared in The Daily Telegraph.

And now, the final moments of the 47-year-old’s life have been revealed, with her niece Necole Macey, also known as “Boog”, telling news.com.au there was a lot of laughter and stories.

Necole drove up on Thursday to be there for Kay’s final beach day, but unfortunately car troubles meant that wasn’t possible. So, instead, she and her two daughters joined friends and family for Kay’s final meal.

“It was pizza and, her favourite, cheesy garlic bread,” Necole told news.com.au.

Then, on Friday – the last day of Kay’s life – the four women woke up early to make hand mould casts so Necole’s daughters can hold Kay’s hand in the future.

Kay Henderson pictured with her niece Necole and great nieces Hanne and Kendra on the morning of her death. Picture: Sam Ruttyn

“Family and friends came over. Aunty KK had catered for lunch for everyone, and bought some alcohol for everyone, We spent the day laughing, sharing stories and memories,” she said.

A palliative care nurse then arrived, and the nurse and Kay spoke privately about what was to come. Kay then called everyone into the bedroom one-on-one to share a last moment. She was adamant about her life ending in her own bedroom, not wanting to be in a hospital surrounded by machines.

“It was all her choice, all in her controlled time. Everything was her choice,” Necole said.

Before the procedure began, Jimmy Barnes’ ‘Flame Trees’ played and Kay sung along, saying her final goodbyes.

“I leaned over and gave her a kiss and told her I loved her and she told me she loves me,” Necole recalled.

“And then she looked at the palliative care nurse — who was lovely — and gave her the signal to start the process.”

The first injection was administered. Kay was chatting away and laughing, saying she could feel the warmth going through her body. Gradually, she went to sleep. Two more injections were administered and Kay was gone by 1.23pm — which Necole said would have meant a lot to her aunty, who was a spiritual person.

Kay died, using voluntary assisted dying, on Friday. Picture: Sam Ruttyn

“It was the most peaceful thing she has ever seen. She is having the best sleep that she’s wanted in the last 20 years,” she said.

Necole said at first she wasn’t sold on the idea of voluntary assisted dying, not wanting her aunt to die. But, someone told her she was being “selfish” for wanting Kay to stay around and be in constant pain.

Marfan Syndrome has caused Kay to experience pain since her teen years, but she has been in excruciating agony since 2019.

“My quality of life is … nothing, really,” Kay told news.com.au’s From The Newsroom podcast before her passing.

“Once I looked at it from that perspective, and then spoke to palliative care nurses and doctors and heard about the process and how peaceful it would be and the dignity it would give her? It completely changed my outlook,” her niece said.

“I’m glad I got to witness it and be there for her. I want to spread awareness.”

Necole urged anyone who had questions about voluntary assisted dying to look into Go Gentle Australia, as that personally helped her learn a lot. She said it’s not fair to let people suffer in pain, unable to do anything for themselves. Necole also highlighted there were a lot of steps — such as being examined by two different doctors with no connection to each other — to even be considered for VAD.

Kay has been in pain for years. Picture: Sam Ruttyn

When Kay was approved for the treatment, she decided to restart her TikTok she initially began when she had a stroke between 2019 and 2020. But her pain levels forced her to abandon it.

The 47-year-old decided to pick it up again four weeks ago when she discovered she had passed the requirements for VAD.

“Kay’s goal was to get the word out there and let people know that they have a choice and don’t have to suffer,” Necole said.

Necole said Kay was so excited when the account got to 10,000 followers and she got to do her first Live.

“She said, ‘If I can get to 50,000 by the time I pass I’ll be over the moon. And she reached that goal on Friday morning. She said, ‘I’m f*****g famous now’,” Necole recalled, highlighting her aunt’s sense of humour.

“She said she was going to print a photo of her ‘sexy legs’ before they got swollen and sign it.

“She told me I could hand it out to all her fans.”

Kay Henderson pictured with family and friends going for a final swim at Coffs Harbour. Picture: Sam Ruttyn

After Kay’s passing, Necole took over the account. Now it’s sitting at 111,000 people. The account is continuously climbing.

At the end of the day, the family simply want to raise awareness that this is an option for people who have been in incredible pain, and that it’s impossible to make a split decision when it comes to voluntary assisted dying. Thousands of people have reached out, offering the family condolences and support and thanking them for being vocal on the subject.

Originally published as Woman’s heroic act before ending her life