'Take it from me, a family Kris Kringle is a terrible idea'

It's more trouble than it's worth

For something that is meant to make the gifting process easier at Christmas, it tends to make things even more complicated, writes Shona Hendley.

Like a combination of two Christmas-classic families, the Griswolds and the McCallisters is how I’d describe the main gist of ‘The Great Hendley Kris Kringle (my family) Debacle of 2023’ (and yes, it has a title because something as intense as this whole process turned into deserves one). 

You see making a simple decision is not something that can be done in our family, instead, everyone throws their two cents in on any subject matter: from which brand of party-mix lollies you should buy to something far more (or should I say, actually) important. 

This means when it came to working out a KK plan (something we haven’t done before but thought given the cost of living would be a good idea), every detail involved an extensive family group chat discussion.

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This chat resulted in arguments, protests, ghosting, passive-aggressive emojis and gifs; and while there were no literal criminal acts like in Home Alone, or sewerage leakages like in National Lampoons, metaphorically, I am not so sure. 

Amongst these high-tension discussions were topics of budget amounts (what it was and whether it should be a specific amount or a range, with one family member stating she didn’t want to be jibbed (and she has a point)); the type of KK that would be conducted (Bad Santa where you steal or swap versus normal KK – one family member was much more pro-Bad Santa than anyone else and labelled anyone who wasn’t, scared to live life to its fullest); and how we would execute it (with an App (there really is an App for everything) coming to the rescue).

So, yes, by the time we had even worked out who we were buying for, I am pretty sure everyone was already completely over it and Googling how much coal you could buy for a $70 budget.

Christmas gifting can be fraught with tension. Image: Pexels

While frustrating albeit a tad amusing, the process of KK or Secret Santa (whatever you like to call it), whether between families or colleagues can, like mine, be fraught with issues. 

“Most often, the intention behind Kris Kringle gifting is good. It’s meant to honour the festive season and relationships with others, even when those relationships might not be at a distance (e.g., colleagues) while being budget-friendly and token-tolerant,” says clinical psychologist and author of Difficult People, Dr Rebecca Ray. 

“However, problems can occur from the outset. Small budgets often equal poor quality and plenty of plastic. They can also lead to people feeling ashamed that they can’t offer a better-quality gift or one that has higher perceived value (and possibly going over budget as a result),” she says. 

While many problems, like mine, take place even before KK has begun, they can also continue throughout the rest of the process.

“If the KK is anonymous, then you have the added challenge of not being able to ask the person what they’d like, and then there’s the fact that humans are often notoriously poor secret keepers!” Dr Ray says. Guilty.

In addition, the actual structure of gift giving within the KK context can also alter the way some people value the effort they put into researching the perfect present, the money they spend on it and what it is they ultimately choose to buy Dr Ray says.

Appreciation for each other is the heart of the festive season. Image: iStock

“Even though we should begin and end with ‘it’s the thought that counts’, there’s always the risk that people will care less about a gift given Kris Kringle style, or feel extreme pressure to purchase the perfect present if it’s a family-led KK in answer to the cost-of-living crisis.” 

But perhaps worst of all (and what I'm bracing myself for (no offence whoever is buying mine) is ‘present disappointment’, especially given all the gift eggs are in the one basket with KK. This is something Dr Ray says there is a good chance of happening and in addition to this, there is a high probability of frustration on behalf of organisers, and stress on behalf of givers too (nothing says Christmas more than some family friction, right?!)

Thankfully, Dr Ray says there are two simple things that you can do to minimise these issues:

Have everyone write a wish list

"People who receive gifts they want appreciate them more, so if Kris Kringle is on the cards for you, it might be worth collaborating with the organisers on anonymous wish lists and the like."

Remember family is the true gift

“And as far as gifts during the festive season go, please remember the meaning behind gifts in the first place. Appreciation for each other is the heart of the festive season,” Dr Ray says.

And if all else fails, I say just pretend it was Bad Santa and steal someone else's present (you’re amongst family anyway).

Originally published as 'Take it from me, a family Kris Kringle is a terrible idea'