Chanel Contos on why consent can’t wait – and neither can we

There's a lot we need to educate our kids about

The activist, author and founder of Teach Us Consent on changing how sex education is taught in our schools – and homes – plus the problem with porn.

In 2021, you posted the question “Have you or has anyone close to you experienced sexual assault from someone who went to an all-boys school?” on your Instagram story. It was the catalyst to you successfully campaigning to have consent education mandated in the national school curriculum. How do you reflect on that pivotal moment now?

At the time, I didn’t think beyond the immediate social ramifications of posting something like that on my Instagram. But it completely changed the trajectory of my life. I never really thought about what could happen, both in terms of policy change and my personal life, as well as my career, from something that was as simple as asking that question. 

Your first book, Consent Laid Bare, was published in September last year. The subject matter discusses if full consent is possible in a world where female sexuality has been hijacked by porn, patriarchy and male entitlement. Almost a year on, where does this sit with you?

I believe it does successfully encompass a lot of the thoughts that I have around those topics, and I still feel really proud of the way those topics are tackled in the book. A year on, I still firmly agree with those statements around the outdated social norms and how pornography and other forms of patriarchy have completely hijacked the sexual landscape, particularly for young people.

The Body+Soul 2024 Sex Census revealed almost a third of Aussies could use some help talking about sex with their kids. Why is it crucial for parents to have these conversations?

This is exactly why the government has launched the Consent Can’t Wait campaign. The goal is to change this culture by ensuring the messaging is consistent between what is now being taught in schools and what kids hear and learn at home.

It’s highly likely parents and guardians today never received education around consent when it came to sex, which means they too are in need of government resources to upskill in this subject, so they can contribute to raising the next generation in a way that, as a country, we’ve agreed is the best way forward. 

A third of Aussies could use some help talking about sex with their kids. Image: Getty

The results also showed that one in 10 Australians are watching porn most days. In what ways does this have an adverse effect on consent?

When pornography is used as a form of sex education – which currently is the most common form of sex education for young people in Australia – it doesn’t teach consent. More often, it depicts non-consensual or violent acts where almost always a woman is responding with the pleasure of neutrality. That makes it very confusing for young people, particularly boys, who are learning intimacy through this very distorted medium of what they misinterpret as reality.  

You won the Young People’s Human Rights Medal in the 2021 Australian Human Rights Awards, and were honoured as one of BBC’s 100 Women in 2022. How has being recognised helped you on your mission?

It’s very meaningful to be recognised on these platforms. Every time I’m involved in awards, I’m thankful because it provides opportunities for collaboration and a space to spread the message, allowing for more and better work to be done.

Contos says porn is a huge part of the problem. Image: Pexels

When you work in this space, it can take a heavy toll on you mentally. Where do you seek support from and how do you look after your wellbeing?

In 2021, with the petitions, it was really mentally exhausting. I don't think any human is supposed to read 6000 testimonies of sexual assault in a short period of time. I had no idea then what vicarious trauma was – where you feel like you've experienced something because you've heard or read about it in extreme detail. As a result, I put up a massive mental wall, which in the long term may prove to be a really bad thing. But in the immediate moment, it means that I feel fine and can compartmentalise experiences and stories from the work that I have to do so I can focus on prevention and structural change. 

Can't get enough? For all the spicy details from our nationwide survey, head to bodyandsoul.com.au/sexcensus

Originally published as Chanel Contos on why consent can’t wait – and neither can we