Why families need to know how to talk about mental health

An Australian woman has shared how her colleagues helped after a family member’s mental health crisis — and why we need to know how to have conversations about wellbeing.

The stigma, shame and fear of judgement attached to mental illness is a heavy burden to bear for anyone.

And not just for the person who is unwell but for their loved ones too.

We have a long way to go before we normalise mental health conversations within families.

My Mum tried to take her own life recently.

Her shame was so great that my Dad and my brother and I were the only people to know outside of the emergency services who responded and her medical and mental health team.

We were sworn to secrecy.

Her serious injuries and numerous surgeries explained to others as the result of a bad fall in the garden.

I grew up in a ‘she’ll be right mate’ household where you press on.

True to that I found myself saying I was fine but when I was alone in my car driving, I would fall apart.

Eventually I broke my own silence. I needed to talk. I worried what people would think, but I couldn’t hide the truth any longer.

So, I turned to my colleagues.

They were a safe place, because while they knew of her, they were not part of her life.

But they are certainly part of mine.

My colleagues gave me the strength to get through those early weeks and months trying to navigate the fragmented mental health system on behalf of my Mum who was in no state to fight against a system in crisis.

As the months passed, she eventually told her siblings.

The fallout was devastating.

They didn’t stop and listen. They said all the wrong things. They made it about themselves. They lacked compassion. Relationships ultimately broke down.

Maybe this is what Mum had feared all along?

Maybe it’s why she wanted to keep it a secret in the first place?

Their reaction set her back.

It was hard to watch, because bit by bit she had worked hard to try and get back to better health with our support.

I share our story because we need to do better.

So that others don’t feel that the only choice they have is to stay silent.

So that within families we can have better conversations.

The only way we can achieve that is to end the stigma around mental health.

And as this shows, we’ve got a very long way to go.

We should all arm ourselves with some basics around how to have a mental health conversation.

Because it might just be the most important conversation you ever have.

Can We Talk? is a News Corp awareness campaign, in partnership with Medibank, helping Australian families better tackle mental wellbeing. To follow the series and access all stories, tips and advice, visit our new Health section.

Originally published as Why families need to know how to talk about mental health