James Weir recaps Married At First Sight episode 6: Savage insult behind posh husband’s back
A MAFS husband who thinks he’s perfect has just had his posh reputation marred — with his ex revealing an unpleasant habit. James Weir recaps.
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A jilted Married At First Sight wife who was dumped for being old and unfit has sought revenge on her posh ex-husband by revealing a secret that completely mars his perfect facade: he smells.
Pull on ya hazmat masks. Apparently, the bloke reeks.
There aren’t enough bottles of Joop in the world to overpower his stink that’s so damn stanky.
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So, who’s the big grot?
He goes by the name Smelliot. Sorry. That was a typo. ELIOT. His name is Eliot.
And, if you look real close, you can see green cartoon stink lines radiating off him.
He ditched his wife Lauren just two days into their honeymoon on Fraser Island and hasn’t been seen since. At first we thought he’d been snatched by a dingo, but then he suddenly marches into the medical office of expert John Aiken and demands to know why he wasn’t given a wife that matches his strict criteria.
“I was expecting to meet a cute, librarian-type girl that was younger than me,” he says.
“And I ended up with what felt like a Kardashian sister. When we were talking about exercise, she had trouble running from one side of the tennis court to the other!”
Maybe she had trouble running because she couldn’t breathe properly through the stink cloud that had surrounded her?
“I want someone that’s under 30!” he continues to recite his list of demands.
Well, Smelliot, relationships are all about compromise. We’re sure Lauren would’ve preferred to have been matched with a guy who doesn’t smell like a clogged drain – but she was willing to peg her nose and soldier on.
John Aiken tells Smelliot that, as a mid-30s single loser, he can’t be picky.
“Let’s be honest: You’re here on this show because you’re 35 and single and you’ve been going out with young women and it hasn’t worked,” John says.
The conversation keeps going on and on, but Smelliot’s stink begins clouding up the windowless room and we urgently leave while dry-heaving.
Meanwhile, all the other freaks are arriving at the warehouse for the first drunken dinner party of the season. Lauren decides to show up solo.
“I’m excited to see what everyone’s relationships are like,” she says, gasping in the fresh air that she was deprived of during her marriage.
“Surely no one’s can be worse than mine.”
Don’t be so sure, Lauren. You haven’t yet met Katie – who is still being gaslit by that P.E. teacher with a nose ring.
“Katie hasn’t reached out to see if I’m okay or to try and fix it,” Tim sulks, after rejecting his wife and declaring he’s not physically attracted to her.
Now seems like an appropriate time to note that Tim’s dressed in all-white, like he’s auditioning to be a backup dancer for a Backstreet Boys tribute band.
When Katie arrives at the party, she tells the others that her honeymoon stank more than Eliot’s BO.
“Tim woke me up on the wedding night to tell me he didn’t have a spark and wanted to know if he should leave,” she reveals.
When Tim rolls in, he thinks he has the room in the palm of his hand – deflecting questions, sidestepping facts and flipping accusations onto other people. He’s determined to paint himself as the victim.
“All I’ll say is, I feel like I’ve been the one making most of the effort,” he sighs, before accusing Katie of turning the room against him.
Katie almost spits red wine over her husband’s rumpled white shirt.
“That just betrayed my trust,” Tim continues. “Out of both of us, who do you think has been the most honest? I feel like I’ve opened up but you haven’t wanted to get to know me at all. My interests, my hobbies, my family, my job. Maybe because you’ve been by yourself for so many years you’re just who you are.”
Katie – who has spent decades being weighed down by insecurities and people pleasing tendencies – bows her head and submits.
“I apologise,” she says. “Obviously I was doing things wrong. I feel like an idiot.”
Like the gaslighting MAFS villains of yore, Tim convinces his wife that she’s the problem.
Meanwhile, my arch nemesis Jamie – who stole my husband Dave – can’t believe what she’s witnessing.
“F**kin’ bullshit! I’m gonna set alight,” she vents about Tim and his manipulative behaviour. “I can’t die on this hill charging this motherf**ker all night! Someone’s gotta back me.”
Tim storms out and acts like Jamie just yanked out his nose ring.
We can’t believe this is only the first dinner party of the year and things are already so toxic. Thankfully, Lauren jumps in and changes the topic.
“I’m not surprised Eliot isn’t here because he’s a little brat,” she tells the table about her ex-husband. “He also had really bad BO.”
He might not be here in person, but his presence certainly does linger.
Facebook: @hellojamesweir
Originally published as James Weir recaps Married At First Sight episode 6: Savage insult behind posh husband’s back
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