Cranky Clementine’s Taylor Tribute

Taylor Swift is a bubblegum pop goddess. Clementine Ford is a garbage-gobbed woken wasteland who’s lately published accusatory lists of Jews. What happens if the two are combined, as if in a ghastly science experiment?

For one glorious evening, Ballarat’s Kryal Castle will become Clementine Ford’s Frightbattery

We’ll find out next month in this year’s strangest tribute act: Jew-denouncing Clem and friends performing the hits of Ms Swift in a show where audiences are warned to expect “adult themes” and “swearing”.

Kids under five get in for free. Adding a further Frankensteinian dimension, this atrocity will take place at some kind of medieval tourist castle in country Victoria.

Should be quite a show. Can’t wait to see if Clementine’s contributions are sung in German:

Swifties, your time has come! Missed out on Taylor Swift tickets? We've got something TAYLOR MADE just for you!

Join us for an extraordinary afternoon at the picturesque outdoor stage of Kryal Castle in Ballarat, where the magic of Taylor Swift's music will be brought to life.

Presented by Kryal Castle, Clementine Ford and Story Baker, "Taylor Made" is a tribute show featuring some of Australia's most talented artists.

Our star-studded lineup includes Alex The Astronaut, Charley, Clare Bowditch, Clementine Ford, Emily Wurramara, Lisa Mitchell, and Sophia J. Smith.

These remarkable and fearless performers will be interpreting their favourite Taylor Swift songs in a celebration of her timeless music ...

Set against the enchanting backdrop of Kryal Castle, the event promises an immersive experience that blends the beauty of medieval architecture with the heart and soul of modern pop anthems. 

In terms of stage presence, Clementine has always seemed to me more Brian Taylor than Taylor Swift, but perhaps there’s an audience for whatever this is. Get your tickets today, and see our Clem – billed as a "feminist community builder", which is stretching things – in action.

Alternatively, buy restricted view seats at Swift's Melbourne and Sydney shows for $12.65 less than Clementine and company are asking. Bargain!

UPDATE. Ford trashes Murdoch media all the time, but still talks to us whenever she’s got something to sell. They always do.

UPDATE II. Celebrate the second rate! Reader Marcus applies Ford's Taylor plan to another field:

Fight fans, your time has come! Missed out on tickets for the World Title bout between Floyd Mayweather and Roy Jones Jr? We've got something extra-special just for you!

Come join us in the parking lot outside O'Malley's, where two overweight barflies will grapple for about 30 seconds before the bouncer breaks it up. Set against the enchanting backdrop next to the skips, the night promises an immersive experience that blends neon lighting with slurred cursing, the scent of vomit and occasional bouts of flatulence. Not to be missed!

Beautiful.

UPDATE III. Please watch the whole thing:

UPDATE IV. A hateful comment following Chris’s Sky News clip:

I saw the arabic lady rent my house to, had an israel flag when I was doing a property inspection, I asked her what she is doing with this concerned as I thought being arabic shed think a certain thing...

but then she started talking about how great israel is

the next day she got a call I am increasing her rent 300 dollars a week, and she has 90 days to move out as im not comfortable with a zionist in my house.

Why? Is the landlord worried she’ll attract halfwit Hamas monsters?

(Via Jill)