Why do we foot the bill for work-shy Windsors?

They came, they shook a few hands, they left us with the tab. I’ve got a far better idea how we spend the $2 million-plus taxpayers stumped up for royal visits last year, writes Mike O’Connor.

Another year of toil stretches ahead as you slip wearily back into harness and begin the long haul towards the next holiday.

Back to the reality of those co-workers whose puerile antics irritate you to the point of screaming, the supervisor whom you know secretly hates you and the phantom larcenist who keeps stealing your yoghurt from the staff fridge.

As you settle into your work-commute-sleep-work-commute routine, you may care to spare a thought for England’s royal family.

You might think you’re doing it tough but figures just released show that, in any given year, the royals toil away with a beaver-like sense of industry.

In 2018 for example, Prince William worked for 120 days and Prince Harry 98 days.

Prince Anne, however, barely had time to polish her tiara, toiling away for 180 days. Prince Edward worked 14 days fewer, to come in second place, while Prince Charles was slightly behind to come in a close third.

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What on earth do they do for the rest of the time? Well they shoot things, on occasion, blasting away at pheasants and grouse being a favoured royal past time.

Look out buddy, the royals could be around the corner with a blunderbuss. Picture: supplied

Riding around the estates takes up a bit of time and then there are always the servants to order around.

This would still leave an inordinate amount of time to go to lunch, sink a few coldies and generally lie about the place doing very little and having a right royal time.

As you munch on that ham and cheese sanger at lunchtime, pheasant under glass being temporarily off the cafeteria menu, you might pause for a moment and admire the Windsors for having so successfully woven the fiction of the “hard working” royal family.

There’s no such thing. There was much hand wringing recently when it was announced that Prince Philip was retiring. Retiring from what, pray tell?

Walking along behind the Queen and pausing to insult people?

To be fair, when it came to insults he was up there with the best, my favourites being: “If you stay here much longer, you’ll all be slitty-eyed”, a remark he directed to British students in China during a state visit and: “You’re too fat to be an astronaut,” an observation delivered to a 13-year-old British boy who told the prince he wanted to go into space.

Then there was: “Do you still throw spears at each other?” a question asked of an Aboriginal entrepreneur during a visit to Australia.

What exactly did Prince Philip retire from? Picture: Alastair Grant/Getty

You must tread carefully, however, for to utter a word of criticism of the royals in the wake of Prince Harry and wife Meghan’s recent flit through this country is to risk a public stoning.

The consensus was that Meghan was “lovely”. Well she would be, wouldn’t she. She’s an actress and doing “lovely” would hardly be a chore. Given that the Australian taxpayer picked up the million dollar-plus tab for the pair to visit these fair shores, you could argue that we were entitled to a bit of “lovely.”

For Harry and his wife, those 16 days spent in the former colonies counted as work so if Harry maintains last year’s less than hectic official pace and works another 82 days this year, he can then take a breather for the next 200 days.

This is a good deal for Harry but bad news for the royal pheasants. Blam! Another one bites the dust.

Harry and Meghan being “lovely” during their visit here last year is the least they could do, considering Australian taxpayers picked up their tab. Picture: Saeed Khan/AFP

Hoping to get an assistant this year? You might mention to the boss that when Harry and Meghan travelled to Oz they were accompanied by a team of 10 including private secretaries, a personal assistant, hairdresser, a communications team and an orderly to, well, keep things orderly.

Given that his dad and Camilla the Duchess of Cornwall brought an entourage of 13 when they opened the Commonwealth Games, Harry and Meghan were positively understaffed.

Charles and Camilla’s presence cost us another million dollars-plus. Before they arrived, a scouting party of four was sent out to ensure that all was as it should be for the heir to the throne.

Having ascertained that apart from that fact that the locals drank a lot and wore thongs everything was tickety boo, they departed leaving behind a bill for $131,000.

I’m not trying to reignite the republic versus monarchy debate but I’d like to think that we’ve had more than our share of royal blow-ins over the past 12 months and that 2019 might be a Windsor-free year.

Prince Charles and Camilla hit the beach during their visit for the Commonwealth Games. Picture: Glenn Hampson

Instead of spending more than $2 million a year on royal visits, as we did in 2018, let’s give everyone forthwith the chance to enter a national raffle.

Each year, instead of the royals coming to us, our government could charter an aircraft and fly 300 Australians to London free of charge.

It would be called the Your Shout Tour with the Queen and the rest of the royals kicking in accommodation for a week.

This would provide a wonderful opportunity for the whole Windsor clan to get up close and personal with their loyal antipodean subjects.

I won’t be bothering to enter but would warn any females on the tour to refrain from wearing any headwear that resembles a pheasant.

Mike O’Connor is a columnist for The Courier-Mail.