Judith Locke: How to spot if children are struggling with mental health

Things are slowly going back to normal, so it’s natural that parents expect their children’s moods will improve. But now more than ever, we have to keep an eye on them, writes psychologist Judith Locke.

So, things are slowly going back to normal – a different normal – but one less isolated.

You’d think moods would be improving, but now, more than ever, we have to keep an eye on

children, and even adults.

I have spoken before about the fact that, for some people, isolation might have been a

blessing in disguise. Those who found their previous life somewhat challenging, might have

enjoyed the chance to stay a little more in their four walls. These people may be dismayed

at the thought of a resumption of their former life, they may be thinking of ways out of

moving forward, including self-harm or suicide.

So, what should parents be looking out for? Here’s some things to be concerned about and

what to do.

A changed social group

Children draw great comfort from their peer group, as they often feel an important sense of

belonging and support from their buddies. Losing contact with friends, changing friendship

groups, or a friendship fight, might be a huge impact on them that causes an overwhelming

reaction.

Their behaviour has changed

You can expect your child’s personality to alter slightly as they move from childhood to

adolescence and start to become more concerned about peers’ opinions than their parents’.

The recent changes to day-to-day life may have also prompted some different reactions in

your child. But these changes shouldn’t be too sudden or extreme. For example, if your child

suddenly becomes incredibly withdrawn, particularly angry, or doesn’t want to do activities

they enjoyed pre-COVID, then it’s a good idea to check in with them. In a quiet moment, ask

how they’re faring – ‘How are you going? Are things OK?’

Has your child suddenly become more clingy? Behavioural changes are worth taking note of. Picture: iStock

If they confide in you

Your child bringing up their concerns provides a valuable opportunity. It is essential that you

listen to their worries patiently and give them an appropriate amount of time to talk. Don’t

dismiss their extreme statements, such as ‘I will never get another friend’ or ‘everything is

hopeless’. While you may think that you can minimise their feelings by telling them not to

be silly or that they’re overreacting, it can make them feel unheard and less likely to bring

up their feelings with anyone in the future.

A better way to respond is to ask more questions about the situation they find themselves

in. Try not to get too emotional in this conversation, as they are likely to stop speaking if you

become too upset. You want to present yourself as capable to be confided in.

If you are worried about the strength of their feelings, it might be wise to ask them how bad

it has ever got for them, and if they’ve ever thought of doing something serious, such as

suicide. That’s an understandably uncomfortable question for many; however, research

shows that it doesn’t plant the idea in their head, but allows them a sense of relief to talk

about it and feel cared for.

If they do say that they’ve thought of this, then let them know you have heard their concern

and assure them that you are going to work together, to sort this out. Express confidence to

them that the situation can be turned around with the right support and start planning that

support immediately with them. Now is the time for reassurance and action – there are

some suggestions below.

It will be a difficult conversation, but it might be wise to ask them how bad it has ever got for them, and if they have thought of doing something serious. Picture: iStock

Praise them for the strength they have shown in letting you know and reassure them that

they’ve done the right thing. Continue to keep an eye on them, as you get the necessary

help

These are uncomfortable topics, but as the person who loves your child the most, you have

to be strong in initiating them. It might be one of the most important conversations you

ever have.

Takeaway for parents

There are many places to get help.

 Kids Helpline is a fantastic first point of contact for a child who is struggling. 1800 55

1800.

 Your child’s school counsellor can see your child/family or recommend a local

psychologist with expertise.

 To be strong for your child, get the support you need via your own psychological

assistance to help with your overwhelming feelings. Speak to your GP to get a

referral to a psychologist.

 If you, or a loved one, are at risk of current harm you can present to the emergency

department of the nearest hospital to get immediate help.

 If this column has brought up any issues for you, then you can get immediate

support at Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636