Judith Locke: How to help kids returning to school

Parents may be well and truly ready for the reopening of schools, but not all of our children are. Which is why parents need to come up with a strategy for every child, writes Dr Judith Locke.

Some children won’t be thrilled with the change of routine. Picture: iStock

Slowly, across the country, children are going to be heading back to school.

Every state is different in their back to school plan, but by end of May or June, all students will be back in the classroom, due to the federal and state governments’ decisions that it is safe for them to return.

This will be good news for many children who are completely over the long days at home, the lack of face-to-face time with their friends and teachers, and the boredom of the

unchanging scenery of their bedroom and living room.

But I’m sure that some will be uncomfortable about returning to school. This won’t be just

because of a fear of the virus, but because they prefer their home environment and have

become used to the school-at-home situation.

In my experience, there are two main reasons why children tend to push back on going to

school – anxiety and wilfulness. In this pandemic, these traits may have become more

pronounced.

Anxious people thrive when there is predictability in their day. Picture: iStock

Anxious children

For children who are somewhat fearful or introverted, being at home every day might have

been the time of their lives. In fact, it might be difficult to drag them back to the world

outside again.

Anxious or sensitive people like predictability in their day. That’s because they think that

they can’t cope when things are a little out of their control.

Home isolation has provided a great deal of predictability and personal control. Many

children have been able to set up their day exactly as they like it – doing schoolwork at 7am

or 11am. Even socialising has been very contained with irregular face-to-face meetings and

social events more managed than typical.

It is important not to allow sensitive children to get too used to this abnormal situation.

Now is the time to get them back doing things a little out of their comfort zone to feel they

can face challenge. For example, if your child is not really good with ball games have the

whole family go to the park and play a game of soccer, or present more socialising

opportunities.

Some children will be keen to return to school. Others, not so much. Picture: iStock

Have your child take on the challenges of developing new skills or routines to make them

feel more capable of change. Introduce a few more responsibilities to their day or have

them learn something slightly risky, such as mowing the lawn. You want them to feel that

they are more mature and capable to get out of their comfort zone again, to feel confident

walking back into school.

Wilful children

Clinically, I’ve found that a few parents have indulged their child a little more during these

times, allowing a bit more freedom and not being as strict with the rules. That’s completely

understandable in a stressful time, but might make it a little harder to get them to follow

your instructions when life goes a little way back to normal.

Unfortunately, if your child doesn’t currently believe that you are in charge, then getting

them up and ready to go to school is going to be much more challenging. That’s because

they’re used to running the show and more likely to argue back.

Now’s the time to start being a little stricter and get them to act less like they are on

holiday. Introduce a routine that more closely approximates the school day. Start to make

them take on a little more responsibility and don’t let as many things go.

It’s crucial that, as soon as school starts for your child, you should send them to school. Not

following the school guidelines will make your child think the rules don’t apply to them. That

will make it harder for you to get them there eventually.

Cambridge Primary School triplets Minara, Dylan and Osara are happy to be returning to school on May 26. Picture: David Caird

These tips should be enough, but if you need further assistance, I have created an on-

demand webinar for parents of sensitive children, to help them thrive through this period of

isolation and beyond (including children who can be a little wilful at times). Further details

at confidentandcapable.com.

TAKEAWAY FOR PARENTS

Is your child expressing reluctance to go back to school?

 Listen to their apprehensions about going to school to make them feel heard.

 Summarise what they say and name the emotion “Sounds like you are a bit nervous

about going back.”

 Normalise it and tell them that a lot of children will probably feel the same way.

 Remind them of their strengths, particularly that they got through their first day of

school (it’s the achievements – not their nerves – that they should remember).

 Keep prompting them of the good things at school they’ve missed.

Dr Judith Locke is a columnist for The Courier-Mail.