Jill Poulsen: Have rom coms set an unrealistic standard for dating?

Much to the detriment of my dating life and the poor blokes who constantly fail to live up to the standards set by Hugh Grant, there’s just something about rom coms, writes Jill Poulsen.

Someone asked me what my most memorable first date was recently.

After running through the faces in my head and a quick mental recap of the hours (upon hours) I’ve spend on dating app Tinder, I remembered. It was the one with the nice English chap and it was just like that famous scene in the movie Notting Hill. Where Julia Roberts says to Hugh Grant: “I’m just a girl, standing in front a boy, asking him to love me”? Almost exactly like that.

Except I was just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to lose my number. I’ve spent more time than I care to admit watching romantic comedies. Much to the detriment of my dating life and the poor blokes, who constantly fail to live up to the standards set by Hollywood’s leading men.

Hugh Grant and Julia Roberts in ‘Notting Hill’ … if only real life were like the movies. Picture: supplied

My penchant for watching this wonderfully unrealistic rubbish has me expecting first dates to be serendipitous encounters and kisses in the rain. Only to find out in reality they’re mostly fake laughing and awkward conversations about who should pay the meal we endured during all that fake laughing.

The online banter with Nice English Chap was exceptional but from the minute we laid eyes on each other in the flesh it was clear we were thinking the same thing: thanks anyway, but I’ll keep browsing.

Things got off to a bad start when I arrived about twenty-ish minutes late. I’d sent an apology message and thought that would be the end of it until I saw his eyes zipping from the face of his watch to my face right up until I put my hand out to shake his hand. If time management was one of his “non negotiables” I knew it was going to be a long wait on the chicken korma.

But alas, there I was standing in front of quite possibly the most anal man in the southern hemisphere and the chicken korma wasn’t going to eat itself.

“Busy day at work?” was his opening line. Before I could answer he pushed me through the door because we were terribly “late for our reservation”.

You never know what Tinder is going to throw your way. Picture: iStock

I didn’t catch the reason why we needed a “reservation” on a Tuesday night to a restaurant that seats about 600 people because I was too busy answering questions about my blood type and citizenship status. I tuned out when the pappadums arrived but I think he was having some sort of visa problem, and it started to make sense to me why he was so incensed at my tardiness.

Time was quite literally running out for him to find a wife. Still, I wasn’t completely off the idea of entering into a marriage of convenience – especially if it meant having my very own Big Ben. That was, until he brought up the sleep apnoea mask. I completely understand sleep apnoea is a real, very serious condition. I know a lot of people over the age 98 who have it. Which was all I could think about when he asked if the “hum” of the machine would bother me when sleeping.

“I am a bit of a light sleeper,” I fake laughed. The truth is I wouldn’t hear it over the sound of my own snoring. But it’s just not the kind of first date chat that inspires any hope for a truly convenient marriage. By the time the job interview was over there was one last awkward interaction to have.

“Do you make much money as a journalist?” he asked.

“Probably not as much as an engineer but I can pay for my own curry,” I quipped.

My penchant for watching unrealistic rubbish has me expecting lofty first dates. Picture: supplied

I think it was Emily Dickinson who once said “nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them”. Actually no, that wasn’t Dickinson. I think I read that on an influencer’s Instagram account beside a photo of them flogging frozen yoghurt. Anyway, whoever came up with this pearl of wisdom, was right.

The irritating quirks of someone’s personality, say for example, watching Big Bang Theory because they actually find it funny. The propensity to use text talk like ‘R u free’, or the inability to go two days without posting a selfie from the gym tend to start fading away until we’re so blinded by love we might as well be walking around with a bucket on our head.

And it’s a feeling that’s hard to beat.

Whatever happens after that can at times be dubious but definitely those first few fleeting weeks, months, years, decades however long your “in love” phase lasts, is usually a delight.

With Valentine’s Day just around the corner being in love will be top of everyone’s minds.

So instead of just celebrating all of the good things about love this Valentine’s Day I thought why not indulge in the bad, too.

It may sound a little negative being so close to the sacred day of Saint Valentine, but I figure it’s a good opportunity for those who have found love to be grateful they don’t have to waste all of their mobile data downloading the plethora of dating apps now on offer. And for those who are in the trenches looking for love, it might to feel less alone in what’s an often soul destroying search.

And, for those who are entirely uninterested in the dating world and prefer to stay single, to stay that way.

As for me, I’ll probably spend this 14th of February apathetically flicking through Tinder watching Notting Hill.

Jill Poulsen is a columnist for The Courier-Mail.