Who should pay on a first date?

THE recent spree of a “Dine-and-Dash Dater” has brought to light a strange quirk of romance, and the awkward question of who should foot the bill for dates, writes Victoria Hannaford.

THERE’S no doubt technology has thrown a few extra hurdles on to the path of true love.

In the olden days before apps, the worst thing that might happen was being hit by an arrow fired by some annoying man-baby criminal called Cupid.

But with the advent of tech that lets you swipe your way to romance, now you could be lured into a date that ends not in heady passion, but with bit of light extortion, if the recent experiences of a group of women in the US are anything to go by.

Paul Guadalupe Gonzales, dubbed the “Dine-and-Dash Dater” by prosecutors in Los Angeles, reportedly engaged in “charming” banter via dating apps like Bumble and Plenty of Fish before allegedly taking at least 10 women on dates at fancy restaurants, ordering up a storm, and then running off before the bill arrived — leaving the ladies both lovelorn and out of pocket.

California man who allegedly stuck his dates with the check faces years in prison https://t.co/RpgWuVzh8Q pic.twitter.com/gchr7psWmg

— CNN (@CNN) September 8, 2018

One of the women he dated, Yolanda Lora, detailed that 45-year-old Gonzales “ate fast” before telling her he had to make a phone call, and allegedly skipped out and left her with the bill.

And while all romantic overtures are something of a gamble, Gonzales alleged refusal to pay his way on his dates was something more than a run of bad luck for the women he dated. Clearly authorities have taken a serious view of his behaviour, and put the matter before a Los Angeles court last week, where he faced both a judge and many of the women he allegedly left with the tab. Reports state his spree of dates, dinner and dashing out the door lasted from May 2016 to April of this year, and has led to multiple charges of felony extortion. If he’s found guilty, Gonzales could face more than 16 years in jail.

There’s an incentive to go for carb-loading instead of freeloading on dinner dates.

And while prosecutors laid out a pattern of behaviour in their case against Gonzales — Deputy District Attorney Michael Fern told the judge that Gonzales “could have dined and dashed alone” rather than subjecting women to the “embarrassment” of being left on a date — it’s also raised an interesting aspect of dating etiquette, because it appears the women who were dating Gonzales might have expected him to pick up the tab.

It would be easy to assume that it is just a quirk of dating culture in the US, but that belief would be wrong.

A recent report unveiled research detailing daters’ expectations of who should pay on a first date. (Pic: iStock)

A report last month detailed research by reservation site OpenTable, and showed that only a quarter of Aussie women think they should have to pay on a first date, while 48 per cent of men believe they should pick up the cheque.

Call me a hopelessly idealistic feminist, or even just sensible, but why isn’t it the norm to go Dutch, and split the bill evenly, on a first date?

It seems insane to expect someone you’ve only interacted with online or via an app, and are essentially meeting up with for a blind date, would foot the bill.

First dates should be a light commitment too; just a couple of drinks, with the option of going on to other activities should sparks be flying. Far less collateral damage too, if someone skips out on the tab for a beer, then, should you be unfortunate enough to hook up with your own dasher.

A terrible irony is that many of the women met Gonzales on the app Bumble, which is meant to be empowering, by mandating that women make the first move. Turns out there’s a sting in the tail with that concept too.

The women Gonzales should take heart that it possibly wasn’t personal though — he’s not just allegedly on the lookout for the lovelorn.

He’s facing separate allegations of not paying hair salons for colouring — in one instance leaving a salon with a towel around his neck — showing flair for the drama of a dye-and-dash too.

Victoria Hannaford is a writer and producer for RendezView.

@vhannaford