Woman shares brave decision to become mum in journey after child abuse

A woman who suffered ‘deplorable’ abuse as a child has shared her brave new step in her fight as a survivor. But the smell of a certain cologne and loud voices can still trigger horrific memories.

A woman who suffered ‘deplorable’ abuse as a child has shared her brave new step in her fight as a survivor

A young woman who was horrendously abused as a child has shared her brave decision to become a mother as she tries to overcome her tragic upbringing.

Her abuser, who cannot be named to protect the identity of the victims, last week received one of the highest jail sentences in Queensland in a Logan court.

The stepdaughter of the man said she had ambitions of parenthood and building a stable family in the future despite what had happened to her.

“I’m not going to let anyone take control of my life, it is mine and I’m going to live it,” she said.

“Now I want to be a mum because I want to do it right and protect my child from everything I could not be protected against.”

The 26-year-old woman, who was one of three children the man abused, said she chose to be strong and move forward with life despite the trauma she experienced.

She is now almost the same age as the Logan man was in 1999 when he moved into her family home — 28.

“My grandfather told me you can either take what life gives you and be a victim or you can take that and become a survivor,” she said.

“For a long time that just seemed like words until I got out from the abuse and started to speak.

“When I finally found my voice, I became that survivor.”

She had a message for other survivors who suffered sexual abuse and were struggling.

“For people who have been through this, you need to know you are not alone,” she said.

“It seems like you are just fighting to survive, but there is more out there than just surviving, there is a chance to live.”

The accused man pleaded guilty in Beenleigh District Court this month to 16 counts of rape, five counts of indecent treatment of a child under 16 and two counts of maintaining an unlawful relationship with a child.

The court heard he began abusing his stepdaughter at age 14, with the abuse continuing from about 2005 to 2008.

He would pick her up from school and abuse her and make her sleep naked in his bed.

He once got her drunk and took advantage of her.

The man, now 52, also abused her younger sister, from the age of eight, weekly until she told authorities in 2004.

That sister told the court how the man had ruined her family and how the smell of baby powder now made her fear for her safety.

“No matter how much I washed myself I never felt clean from you,” she said in her victim impact statement.

“There is no jail sentence that will rectify the life sentence you gave me. You destroyed my childhood.”

The third victim was the man’s stepson who Crown Prosecutor R.G Reid told the court was targeted with a “general disposition of violence and cruelty”.

“It was a diabolical campaign of abuse against three victims, he was a violent, controlling figure in the family,” Mr Reid said.

The torturous behaviour included starving him of food and checking his pockets to make sure he was not sneaking in food to eat.

The court heard the three victims’ mother did nothing to intervene.

All three victims shared victim impact statements detailing the horrendous psychological impact the offending had on them.

Judge Craig Chowdhury said the man’s behaviour was sheer awfulness and the fact it was allowed to happen was a serious failing on the mother’s part.

He described the man’s behaviour as “deplorable, disgraceful and appalling”.

The brave stepdaughter said her abuser’s 14-year jail sentence was nothing compared to the damage he inflicted on the family.

“The abuse, torture and torment we suffered went on for longer than 14 years,” she said.

“He completely and utterly ruined three people’s lives and there is nothing that can do justice for what he did.”

Because the sentence was more than 10 years, the man was classified as a serious violent offender and must serve 80 per cent of his head sentence.

The survivor said every day she struggled with triggers from her past and feared for her safety.

She said these could include something as innocuous as a man with a similar body shape to her stepfather, familiar smells or just being in the suburb where she grew up.

“Every day I look over my shoulder,” she said.

“Some colognes I smell remind me of him. I wake up sometimes feeling his weight on top of me and when my partner is loud, even in just a casual way, it reminds me of my abuser’s yelling.”

She explained every day there were struggles and she would never be truly free from her trauma.

Through time and perseverance and with her ambitions of motherhood, she hopes the world for her in the future will offer a new beginning.

“I have a new reason to fight,” she said.

“It’s not always going to be rainbows and sunshine but nothing worth fighting for ever is.”