OPINION: The long road to recovery, part 2

Through this I have learnt recovery is an active process. It does not simply mean to rest and do as I please.

IN APRIL this year, South Burnett Times journalist, Madeline Grace, was hit by a car on the Haly St, Kingaroy pedestrian crossing.

As part of her recovery process, Madeline has chosen to write about her experience.

Here is part two of her series of columns.

SINCE the accident I have been 'recovering'.

Through this I have learnt recovery is an active process. It does not simply mean to rest and do as I please.

Although, I did spend the first two weeks after the accident sleeping. Mainly because my brain and body needed to rest and repair itself. I was also suffering from what I thought were post-concussion symptoms.

I now know I needed so much rest because of the injury my head and brain sustained.

Halfway through my fourth week of recovery I was informed of my pelvis fractures. This kick started what I refer to as the appointment-heavy-scan-stage of my recovery.

I started seeing more specialists located on the Sunshine Coast where I was staying with family.

This eventually led to learning the full extent of my injuries.

Since then I have had anywhere from four to 10 medical appointments per week.

I'm very thankful to have access to modern and readily available medical care.

The structure these appointments continue to provide has also helped me with adjusting to the recovery process.

I have had four MRI scans, x-rays, blood tests, and other medical imaging through this process.

I have been seeing my GP, a bone specialist, a physio, psychologists, an occupational therapist, a neurophysiologist, a chiropractor, and other doctors.

I will soon need to see a psychiatrist and an exercise physiologist.

My daily pain is constant headaches, lower back pain, pelvis pain, hip pain, knee pain, ankle pain, and pain where my bone bruising is on my left side.

The bruising on my face still has not healed.

While in hospital after the accident I had an allergic reaction to morphine, endone, and codeine and am unable to take them for pain relief. I am also unable to take anti-inflammatory or blood thinning pain killers due to my injuries.

Since being in hospital after the accident I have only been able to take different versions of Panadol to manage any pain from my injuries.

I have no problem talking about or explaining my physical injuries. However, I somewhat struggle with my brain injury and PTSD symptoms.

Quite recently I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Most of my support network has been incredibly understanding. I've only had a few hurtful comments directed my way.

The pedestrian crossing situated on Haly St, Kingaroy, where Madeline was hit. Picture: Will Hunter

These began right after the accident; when the team at The South Burnett Times was advocating to make the zebra pedestrian crossing in Haly St safer.

This was met with some comments blaming me for the accident.

Even though in my head I knew legally I was not to blame; it was impossible for me to believe this. The difference between knowing in my head something is true and logical but not having that connect to the way I feel about the accident and myself was tough.

Partly because I don't remember the accident, and partly because of the victim blaming.

I do not remember if I looked before crossing the road. I know that usually I look. Not having any visual or sound memories from the day of the accident has caused some confusion for me.

It scares me.

Even though I've been told I was well onto the road before being struck; and legally I had complete right of way, I still blame myself.

This is something I am working through and is no one else's fault.

But any comments blaming me have not helped.

I've been met with a lot of misunderstanding when it comes to my brain injury as well. Someone very close to me even asked "so you're like retarded now?" after I tried to explain my symptoms and condition.

Now it wasn't a joke.

It was hurtful and hard to hear.

Firstly there is a major difference between a temporary mild traumatic brain injury and a permanent lived-with mental disability.

Secondly the negative connotations associated with this derogative term are nasty and aimed specifically at those who do live with a disability. It is horribly offensive, degrading, and dehumanising.

Thirdly: who really knows what could have happened from the accident? I'm so fortunate to not have suffered a permanent disability. But if I had does this mean my support network would have loved me any less? Would they call me "retarded" to my face or behind my back?

Again, it wasn't a joke.

But next time anyone thinks it's OK to joke about someone's head injuries or mental capacity to their face please at least think about it first.

Because it's not the same as telling your friend they're a bit slow because it took them longer to catch onto a joke or because they did something silly.

This is a bit different.

Because of what happened to me due to the accident, my injuries, and the drastic change in my life it's as if I've fallen over onto the ground and am spending every day doing everything I can to try and get back up.

Every one of my appointments is me working towards having my life back. I'm trying every day to get up off the ground and move back to my place, go back to my career working in journalism full time, start driving again, walking properly, going to the gym and running, having a social life, and being independent again.

Now whenever I'm met with hurtful comments, with hate, and with my support network being inconsiderate of my condition it feels like they're kicking me.

They're kicking me while I'm already down and making it even more difficult for me to try and get back up.

My physiologist explained to me that when there is an accident, trauma, or a death peoples true colours and personalities begin to show. They no longer have the luxury of thinking carefully about how their actions will be perceived. Instead they just react. They are just themselves.

It is a struggle at times not to dwell on what is out of my control. Especially now when I am so dependent on my friends and family. When my life has changed in a way that was out of my control. In a way that was out of anyone's control.

Instead of focusing on this I am trying to stay positive. I am doing this by reminding myself how privileged and loved I still am despite the accident.

I'm so fortunate to not have suffered a permanent disability. But if I had does this mean my support network would have loved me any less?

I recently turned 21 years old on Friday July 27.

For a long time, I had a big party planned for a night of fun and celebration with all my friends and family.

This fell through.

I was devastated for quite some time until a very close friend of mine (possibly my oldest friend) insisted I do something small with family and my closest friends. She assured me no one would mind that I couldn't drink.

It was very last minute, but I spent the morning with family and the evening with family and friends.

Despite my worries I ended up having the best birthday I've ever had.

More than 30 friends and family members made the effort to be there for me throughout the day. I felt very loved.

I then went to visit more of my family and friends in Miles that weekend.

I wouldn't have had it any other way. I turned 21 and spent more time with my friends and family in a social environment than I had since the accident. It was very special to me.

I am grateful to have so many loving friends and family in my life. I am especially grateful to those who made the effort to be there for me on my 21st birthday despite everything.

The accident may have turned my life upside down, made me question my career prospects, and proven too difficult for some to understand.

But it has taught me to be grateful and to recognise my privilege every day.

It's just a case of always looking for the positives and what can be learnt in every situation. Whether it is something you actively do that doesn't go well, or something that happens to you.

There is always someone worse off, and there is always a way to recover and bounce back.