Mike O’Connor: Albanese’s loony anti-nuke rants make Greens leader Bandt seem like a moderate

Greens leader Adam Bandt’s reign as Loony in Chief has been cut short by PM Anthony Albanese with his anti-nuclear barrage of bulldust, writes Mike O’Connor.

The world as we know it is at risk.

It’s one minute to midnight.

Look out the window and watch in horror as the sun’s rays fade.

Yes folks, it’s raining bulldust with the bulldustometer climbing into the red zone.

Forget rising sea levels.

We’ll all drown in a tsunami of bulldust before the water level reaches our ankles.

We pride ourselves on our laid-back approach to life in our wide, brown corner the world.

We don’t expect much from our politicians and it is not often that they exceed our expectations.

Mediocrity is hailed as a virtue, timidity is disguised as pragmatism and honesty a burden too heavy to bear.

Greens leader Adam Bandt in federal parliament. Picture: AAP Image

They make speeches to which nobody listens and congratulate each other on their cleverness in having convinced us mug punters that they know what they are doing and as long as they don’t do too much damage, we let them play like children in the sandpit that we so generously fund and get on with our lives.

On occasion, however, they take this compliance for stupidity and never more so in recent times.

I received an unsolicited email from Greens leader Adam Bandt last week telling me that his dog Max had died.

I’ve never met Mr Bandt, and most certainly never met Max, but trust that he has gone to a better place.

But why was Mr Bandt sharing this moment with me?

All was revealed as I scrolled down the screen because Max’s departure for doggie heaven had given Mr Bandt pause for thought.

“It got me thinking about the world my children know,” he wrote.

Panda Wang Wang chews on a box as China’s Premier Li Qiang visits Adelaide Zoo on June 16. Picture: Getty Images

“A world with pandemics and climate change, with kids living in tents and babies in rubble … and without Max.

“It made me wonder, will our children become used to a world of loss after loss I hope not, Mike, because there’s still a wonderful world within reach … but only if we grasp it now.”

It turned out that the best way for me to help poor, grieving Mr Bandt survive the loss of Max was to send him money.

Yep. A donation to the Greens would not only help Adam – sob! – emerge from pet-grieving into the golden light of a new day but also help save the planet.

While the Greens leader was trying to leverage the death of his pet to raise money, Prime Minister Anthony Albanese was being stroked like a pet panda by Chinese Premier Li Qiang.

Prime Minister Anthony Albanese and China's Premier Li Qiang in Perth on June 18. Picture: AFP

A few days after this charade, intended to convince simple-minded Australians that China was our new best friend, the crew of a Chinese naval vessel rammed a Filipino navy ship and attacked it crew with axes and clubs.

The Chinese government denied it happened and dismissed video footage of the attack as “bogus”.

There is no Chinese word for bulldust, so the Australian version will have to suffice.

Diplomatic chopsticks safely tucked away in his jacket pocket, the PM retreated to his Canberra bunker, where it had apparently been decided that the average Aussie was even dumber than previously thought.

There is no other explanation for the government’s decision to fire a bulldust barrage of misinformation and idiocy at the electorate in an attempt to frighten people into opposing the prospect of nuclear power stations.

Robert Irwin and animated character Bluey in One Nation’s satirical animation posted to YouTube.

When it comes to insulting the intelligence of Australians, the decision to suggest that nuclear power would result in three-eyed koalas was right up there with the best.

In a spectacular own goal, all the PM and his genius advisers managed to do was to convince all reasonable-minded folk that if the government was prepared to go to such extraordinary lengths to demonise nuclear power then there must be some merit in the proposal.

When compared to the Labor Party, suddenly the Greens were looking like moderates.

I was tempted to slip $20 into an envelope and send it to Mr Bandt, together with a note suggesting he put it towards buying a new puppy and warning him that his reign as Loony in Chief was under threat from the PM.

Max might have gone to the canine hereafter, but up in Queensland, Bluey the dog was alive and in rude health, upsetting Premier Steven Miles by starring in a very funny satirical put-down of his government that was sponsored by One Nation’s Pauline Hanson.

Note to Premier: Bluey doesn’t really exist. He’s a cartoon character.

Some days you don’t know whether to laugh or cry.