Dads reveal fears about violence against women crisis – and what can be done

Dads of little girls have united in the face of NSW’s violence against women crisis, saying young boys need to be protected from misogynistic attitudes so everyone can live safe and happy.

Dads of little girls have united in the face of NSW’s violence against women crisis, saying young boys need to be protected from misogynistic attitudes so everyone can live in a safe and happy society.

The call to action comes after a string of distressing incidents, including the alleged gang rape of a teen girl in the suburbs of western Sydney and the murder of Central Coast woman Audrey Griffin.

These prompted one of the most senior women in Australia’s federal government, Social Services Minister Tanya Plibersek, to speak out and say that boys needed good role models while growing up when they are impressionable.

Now, the Sunday Telegraph has spoken to dads of girls who say they worry about their daughters being safe and also for boys – when nefarious influences are lurking online only clicks away.

Wollongong consultant Toby Dawson, who has two daughters, 12-year-old Sage and seven-year-old Alba, said solving the violence against women’s crisis was not about viewing all boys and men as bad, but about how we improve behaviour going forward.

Toby Dawson and his daughters – Alba, 7, and Sage, 12 – at Wollongong Harbour. Toby is striving to be a good role models for his girls amid the domestic violence crisis. Picture: Max Mason-Hubers

“Domestic violence isn’t a women’s problem, it’s a men’s mental health and a men’s behaviour regulation problem,” Mr Dawson said.

“But it’s not about pointing the finger and blaming men or boys when they’ve been less than perfect in a situation, it’s about reflecting on what could have been done differently – and how we improve.”

Concerned about his daughters’ futures, Mr Dawson started a group in the Illawarra region aimed at educating and encouraging men to be good role models for their children and each other.

“We want to educate both school kids and the average guy about what a respectful relationship is and break down those alpha male stereotypes, which can be so harmful to teenage boys,” he said.

“We all need to be ‘up standers’, not bystanders, and call something out when we hear a misogynistic remark.

“I want my girls to live in a safe world where they don’t have to worry about walking home alone, or feeling awkward at staff drinks because someone says something inappropriate, and that starts with raising the curtain and talking about it with teenage boys.”

Other dads say teaching what is right also can be taught in the home.

Joe Lancuba with his twin daughters – Sienna and Alessandra, 10 – near their home in Concord West. Picture: Julian Andrews

Lighting company production manager Joe Lancuba, dad of 10-year-old twins Alessandra and Siena, said he had begun talking about the issue of consent to his daughters when they started school.

The Concord resident also said boys needed to be taught from a young age about how to treat girls with respect from their parents.

“It shouldn’t be about teaching girls how to keep themselves safe, or what to do in danger,” he said.

“Boys need to be educated about respect and have an understanding of consent just as much as my girls do.

“It starts at home between parents and kids, and it should begin early, so they can model that in their friendships and relationships.”

Peter Georgiou tries to set a good example for his four year old twins Leila and Lola. Picture: Tim Hunter

Meanwhile, Rushcutters Bay real estate agent Peter Georgiou, dad of four-year-old twins Leila and Lola, said he tried to set a good example to his girls by the way he interacts with his wife and their mum, Ilona

“You see some horrible things on the news,” he said.

“But I try to set that example, respect their mum and show them what a good relationship looks like.

“I don’t want them to tolerate anything less than that.”

Mr Georgiou said he’s teaching his daughters about consent and respecting boundaries – even when they are only four.

“If we are wrestling and they say ‘no’ or ‘stop’, I make sure to stop and not rile them up,” he said.

“I instil in them that no means no and show them that they are validated and listened to.

“I want them to know that their word matters.”

Mr Georgiou also wants young boys to be educated about the same things.

“They need to have role models, people they can talk to if they aren’t sure, and someone who can explain things in a way they understand,” he said.

Leading researcher in domestic and family violence, Professor Kate Fitz-Gibbon from Monash University, said educating the next generation about the issue was vital to stop the cycle of violence.

Professor Kate Fitz-Gibbon. Picture: NewsWire/Simon Bullard

“The earlier we engage children – boys and girls – in understanding healthy relationships, respect and violence the more likely we are to interrupt cycles of intergenerational violence, to address attitudes and norms that support violence, and ultimately to build a future free from all forms of gender based violence,” she said.

Prof Fitz-Gibbon was involved in the inquest into the horrific murder of Sydney water-polo coach Lilie James, and said Lilie’s mother Peta’s words about raising good men had stuck with her ever since.

“On the final day of the coronial inquiry into her daughter’s killing, Lillie’s mum so powerfully said: ‘If we are not teaching boys how to accept and value a woman’s opinions and choices, and accept rejection, we may be setting them up for failure’.”

“She is right. If we fail to teach boys how to navigate rejection without using control and violence, we are failing them – and we are endangering girls and women.”

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Originally published as Dads reveal fears about violence against women crisis – and what can be done