Dating apps aren’t working for you? This might be why

Even the apps have red flags

If you're seeing dull profiles, Park suggests it could be by design. Image: Pexels

Are you single and swiping and struggling to get off the apps? You are not alone, and the reasons may surprise you.

Meet David Park, the founder of Kippo, a gaming dating app, and a former Raya engineer who has taken TikTok by storm. Park’s insights into the dating app industry, resulting from a decade’s work, have received over 723,000 likes.

What’s the big deal? Park isn’t just echoing daters' frustrations; he's exposing the algorithms on the apps, revealing a system that's less about serendipity and more about strategy. 

While users work hard to optimise their profiles and improve their conversation openers, Park suggests the algorithm responds with ‘cute.’ Individual efforts may be overshadowed by the apps' underlying code—code that prioritises profit over genuine connection.

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Let's unpack Park’s top insights, alongside which I will offer you strategies to arm and prepare you for this added obstacle in the search for love.(Image)

The apps create fake profiles

Have you ever encountered a profile that seems too good to be true? Hold that swipe! Park's video, "3 ways dating apps are scamming you," reveals a popular tactic of sprinkling user feeds with “fake profiles of hot girls and hot guys”. These 'too good to be true' profiles are more prominent when downloading the app.

What’s the aim? The allure of these profiles is meant to get you hooked on the habit of swiping, igniting a 'WOW' moment that causes you to believe the app is teeming with possible supermodels and all you have to do is keep swiping to find them. However, as Park puts it, "they’re not real."

@chalupabatmangg

We don’t do any of this bs at Kippo. We’re not scummy like that. #datingapp #kippoapp #sus #scam

♬ original sound - David | Dating App CEO

So, how can you protect your heart (and your swipes) against these digital decoys? The antidote is simple: raise your awareness. They’re out there, and you can’t change it. But you can change the level at which you project all your hopes and fantasies onto a flattened photo alone. 

Instead of getting swept up in a pixel-perfect fantasy, focus on what is tangible — the quality of interactions and responses you receive once the match comes through. And stay smart! Let verified profiles and genuine messages guide your journey, helping you distinguish a true match from a mere facade.

The apps hold back your matches 

Are you seeing dull profiles? Park suggests it’s by design, especially if you're not opening your wallet. "Dating apps will hold back your matches until you start paying," he explains.

Park contends that once you become a paid subscriber, the floodgates of possible suitors open — a strategic nudge for users to keep the investment going, both financially and emotionally. And to encourage they offer a free trial. 

Park emphasises the 'free trial' effect, during which the floodgates of possible suitors open. And once you've spent money, the algorithm notices and gets to work. You will be sent matches and adverts meant to entice you to spend even more money on premium extras.

So, how can you navigate the apps without breaking the bank? bank? First, acknowledge the transaction and don’t be bitter. Besides, you’re already paying. In the digital world, if you're not paying with money, you're paying with your time and data. Free isn't free.

If you upgrade, view it as an investment in your romantic journey. But don't jump headfirst into paying for every app. Shop around to find the app that serves you best. And always monitor your investment and its return on matches and connections. If it isn’t paying off, it might be time to re-evaluate or seek advice. 

Park says a simple 'hot or not' algorithm categorises users from the get-go. Image: Pexels

Getting ghosted? It’s the norm, not the exception

Have you been ghosted on dating apps? According to Park, I just posted a dumb question because the answer is yes! “I’ve been building dating apps for almost ten years now,” Park says, “and I can tell you that the most common way to end a conversation on a dating app is by ghosting.”

Ghosting, according to Park and his accrued data, is not a personal slight but rather the standard and part of a larger trend in which people avoid confrontation at all costs. It is simply the byproduct of being able to continually swipe for matches without your current ones expiring, leading to total inbox overwhelm. 

So, how can you shift your mindset from victim to hero? The clear takeaway is that ghosting today is not about you; people ghost because it’s easier than having uncomfortable conversations and has nothing to do with your worth or desirability.

Reach acceptance quickly because expecting any more is a losing battle. You don’t have to ghost, and you can choose your exit plan; just don’t expect others not to, or you’ll be perpetually frustrated. Would you want that avoidance in your future relationship, after all? Your match is out there—someone who values communication and commitment and is willing to face the ups and downs of a relationship head-on.

Your initial few hours on the app are crucial as the algorithm calculates where you fit. Image: Pexels

You are ranked using a hot or not algorithm

Think “hot or not” is a relic of the past? According to Park, the site has been digitised into today’s dating apps. Park explains that a simple 'hot or not' algorithm categorises users from the get-go, turning your search for love into a behind-the-scenes popularity contest based on your like-to-dislike ratio.

However, Park points out a critical flaw: beauty is subjective, and what appeals to one person may not be appealing to another. Cultural trends and societal whims—like mimetic desire—can heavily influence this so-called 'objective' attractiveness meter. Consider the name 'Karen,' which Park claims experienced serious challenges on dating apps in 2021. 

So, how can you use the ranking window to your advantage? Your initial few hours and days on the app are crucial as the algorithm calculates where you fit in the marketplace. 

There is no time to waste—be prepared with your finest images, a captivating profile, and excellent responses to question prompts. Consider it like a free Superbowl ad where you will be shown to as many people as possible, so make the most of your window! Optimise your profile so the algorithm sees you at your best, presenting you to possible matches as the catch you truly are rather than just another face in the crowd.

Sera Bozza is a dating coach and the founder of Sideswiped, offering dating coaching to help you stay upright in the world of left and right swipes. You can learn more about her here.

Originally published as Dating apps aren’t working for you? This might be why