Rory Gibson reveals why he’s an embarrassing dad

Rory Gibson talks parental cringe and ways he always embarrasses his kids.

I feel very sorry for Beatrice and Eugenie, and not just because they were saddled with names that went out of fashion before Charles Dickens took up scribbling.

That’s cruel enough. But the princesses have had to endure a double dose of a common but excruciating malady – parental cringe.

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All children can cite instances where a parent has brought such shame to the family the only remedy is to move to another country and assume a new identity.

My boys feel this way every time I wear a sarong. Their level of mortification was particularly acute in the days when I drove them to school wearing one, and would get out of the car in front of their classmates to give them a hug.

The Sunday Mail columnist Rory Gibson

They would also implore me to wear something more conventional if their friends were coming to our house, which I ignored, explaining that I was promoting multiculturalism. They retorted that I was promoting freeballing, which was disgusting in people over the age of 12.

Another sure-fire way to embarrass your kids is to attempt to dance in public, or date someone closer to their age than yours.

Almost always, it is the father who generates parental cringe.

Sure, mums can give their kids cause for embarrassment after a particularly vigorous book club gathering. But mostly it’s the dads – in the way they wear loud shirts they think are cool, tell lame jokes, try to speak teenager, talk about sex, bang on about the good old days and inflict the music of their youth on the household.

Beatrice and Eugenie deserve our sympathy, even if they were born into a life of undeserved privilege.

While they were only toddlers when their mum Fergie was photographed having her feet hoovered by a man who was not their dad, those toe-curling pics are republished regularly enough to keep the cringe alive.

Their father of course has been shooting himself in the foot with a Gatling gun with his laughable attempts to explain his friendship with a paedophile.

And let’s not forget the time their Uncle Chuck revealed to the world that he fantasised about being his lover’s tampon.

I’m going to send those girls some sarongs to give to their husbands.