‘So gross’: problem with large age gaps in relationships

We’re all fascinated by large age gaps in relationships, but when is the age difference just too much?

As a society, we can’t help but have a strong reaction to relationships that have a large age gap even when they’re perfectly legal, particularly when one of the people involved is quite young. But should it matter?

When does a large age gap become too large? What is the youngest age that makes a huge age gap acceptable. Do we ever get to judge as an outsider?

This is the question we asked our Gen Z newsChat panellists — news.com.au’s project with the Judith Nielson Institute.

Famous for dating much younger women, Leonardo DiCaprio is the butt of all jokes come awards season.

“Even in mainstream culture, we have celebs like Leo DiCaprio who’s known to date younger women, and everyone just jokes. There’s a weird culture on this.” - Jahin, 21

“Socially this stuff always kind of irks me out, like Leonardo DiCaprio — everybody makes a joke about him dating younger women, but it’s actually so gross.
“And Scott Disick said on a recent episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians that he likes younger women because they don’t challenge him compared to women his own age. I think it’s really interesting to look at that.
“It’s not to say that women don’t do that too, but I think there's a completely different rhetoric when we see people like Demi Moore dating Ashton Kutcher, and Madonna. Women who are older get shamed, where as men don’t”.
- Rachael, 25

“The opinions that get thrown around online are largely based on assumptions — like someone must have been groomed, or that someone’s just doing it for monetary gain; stuff like that which could be a legitimate concern.

“But at face value between adults, I don’t see an age gap meaning all too much if both parties are happy with it”.
- Jasper, 19.

Scott Disick has been linked to many young women since ending things with Kourtney Kardashian, including Sofia Ritchie (left).

“I kind of agree with Jasper — I don’t think your relationship is anyone else’s business so long as it’s consenting, legal, and nobody is being hurt. I do however think there are added complications to a relationship with a large age gap.

“No 19-year-old is mature enough that they’re going to have the same experience in life as a 51-year-old, to take the recent news story as an example. It leaves the younger person vulnerable and can create a power imbalance within the relationship.
I don’t want to say unequivocally that large age gaps are bad, just that there are potentially more difficulties than with a more traditional relationship”.
- Angus, 22

“The bare minimum should be that it’s consented and legal of age. Insanely large age gaps are quite concerning, because we know that young people are incredibly impressionable.
Speaking as a young person, we tend to sometimes think in a ‘let’s see what happens’, rather than thinking how this relationship can impact us long term.
- Jahin, 21

There was famously a 15-year age gap between Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher - which Demi now thinks contributed to their divorce.

“Relationships that have a 25-year-old and a 40-year-old don’t present as strange to me. But if it were an 18-year-old and a 50-year-old, then I get red flags”.
- Nich, 25

“Ethically, there are always going to be concerns around large age gaps. When I was 17, I was hanging around people who were 24/ 25. At the time I felt like it was legal so it wasn’t an issue. But now I’m 25 I’m like, oh, actually, that’s pretty messed up.
“I thought I was so much older and smarter and mature — but actually there was a huge power imbalance in that.

“That’s not to say they were predatory or anything like that, but you can’t deny there’s a power imbalance within that relationship that ultimately left me in an unsafe position.

“At the end of the day, legally consenting is juts one part of this. I think it can be quite a dangerous situation”.
- Rachael, 25

Madonna (63) just ended a three year relationship with a 28-year-old dancer.

“I hear of young people who are groomed as teenagers into relationships as adults and it makes my skin crawl. I’ve noticed that this was especially bad in the gay community.

“Due to the restricted way that I and others experienced sexuality and romance, it allowed for a heightened risk of being groomed. I remember when I first started Uni, that people called me ‘ideal’ because I was inexperienced — it was gross.
- Nich, 25

“You’ll see a prevalence of larger age gaps between gay men, maybe as there’s a smaller availability of potential partners. A lot of my gay friends have big age gaps and it mostly works out for them — I guess it’s just up to the individuals.
- Angus, 22

“Because of that restrictive way that we experienced love and sexuality (from my experience), we chase after sexual experiences online, and then older men prey on this.
“I was groomed by older men as a child because I was unable to experience love or sexuality naturally without being condemned by the church around me, and it has affected how I approach sex and love today”.
- Nich, 25

“I’d be concerned about the motives of anybody continually seeking romantic relationships with much younger people. It demonstrates at best a certain level of immaturity and at worst a predatory lean.
“A greater lived experience helps both parties ensure an equal footing within the relationship”.
- Angus, 22

Aged 18 and 24 and want to join the conversation?

Want to share your opinions on being a Gen Z person in the modern world? If you’re between 18 and 24, get in touch with me at [e-mail].

Originally published as ‘So gross’: problem with large age gaps in relationships