Pat Cummins, stop being so woke

Pat Cummins is on a crusade to make the game of cricket ‘100 per cent virtuous’, and it’s ridiculous, Rory Gibson argues.

I thought cricket had reached peak saintliness when the Gabba banned beer wenches.

But the Pat Cummins/Alinta sponsorship imbroglio signals there’s a way to go yet.

And not before time. The Australian captain has opened our eyes to the horrific toll cricket is inflicting on the planet, and I urge him to continue his crusade to make the game 100 per cent virtuous.

May I suggest that, for his next campaign, he needs to do something about the ball.

It must cause him great moral agitation that he’s become a multi-millionaire due to his skill chucking an orb made with leather.

Australian Cricket captain Pat Cummins in an ad for Alinta Energy.

And not just any old leather. Leather made from cow hide.

Cows are the Alinta of the animal kingdom. Their burps are methane-loaded darts punching holes in the atmosphere’s compositional integrity. When all fossil-fuel industries have been consigned to history, cows will be next on the hit list.

If Pat really wants to showcase the courage of his convictions - and give himself peace of mind - he must refuse to bowl a Kookaburra or Duke ever again. After all, he is a role model to millions of children across the cricketing universe, whose futures are imperilled by cricket-ball production. Do it for the kiddies, Pat.

But if tossing the traditional pill out of the kit bag is too big a call so early in the innings, he can warm up by targeting the environmental disaster that is the groin protector.

They are made of toughened PVC, a material Greenpeace has labelled “the most environmentally damaging plastic”. Have some balls, Pat, and insist your batsmen play without a box.

Columnist Rory Gibson.

Don’t stop there. Grass in cricket stadiums is not only draining dams and aquifers of precious water, the use of synthetic fertilisers to keep the playing surfaces looking schmick is contributing in no small part to the incineration of Earth.

Cummins knows this, so it must really stick in his craw that the game he loves undermines its green credentials by not cutting its ties with turf.

Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown, Pat. But keep steaming in off your long run mate… you’re an entertainment machine.