So you’re entering your final school year. I survived and you will too

"The very thing they’d bullied me for became my greatest asset in life."

I remember my final school year with a combination of cringe, untrustworthy nostalgia and relief I survived.

Unable to afford a colourist, I got my younger sister to frost my tips blond.

It went horribly wrong - of course. My sister laughed herself into an asthma attack.

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"They'll rip me to shreds at school"

It came out brittle and white. My first thought was: they’ll rip me to absolute shreds at school.

They’d already ripped me to shreds for so many other things, for so long.

They knew I was gay before I’d really accepted it and treated me like scum, or someone who’d never be taken seriously; a joke.

I used to deny it strenuously - so they probably thought I had no self-awareness, either.

Image: Supplied

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"I looked like Big Bird"

Every day at school, there was a fresh humiliation. 

Somehow I grew this thick skin with a secretly-held resolve that one day I’d show them; that they wouldn’t be ridiculing me, but reading me (I wanted to be a journalist and author. I’m now both.)

My success would be revenge. 

Being successful was no armour back then, though; ‘geeks’ or ‘boffins’ as people like me were derogatorily called at my school, were also laughed at.

But...who wasn’t laughed at? What I've realised is that everyone had something they were paranoid about.

So my first bit of advice to you: Grow a thick skin.

Nobody can laugh at you if you laugh first; only with you.

Being self-deprecating is my most powerful quality.

The white brittle hair deserved to be laughed at. I looked like Big Bird. I own that now.

Image: Supplied

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"My top advice is about the school’s ‘popular’ kids"

It’s every school’s paradox: the most unpopular kids are the ‘popular’ kids.

The ‘cool’ kids were those who’ve ascended the school social chain by belittling others. ‘Popular’ by perception but often not in reality - certainly not by those they ignored, ridiculed or condescended. 

They may have been good looking, with their clear complexions, shiny hair and armfuls of Valentine’s Day cards.

But anyone who peaks at school has done exactly that: peaked.

It’s downhill from there for them. They’ll unlikely experience life at the top of any other hierarchy. 

I know, because at my school reunion, ‘popular’ boys who’d sneered at my ‘laughable’ version of masculinity were overweight, weathered and in jobs so boring I can’t even remember them.

I, meanwhile, had had a gym-fit gay glow-up - and had lost the awful blond highlights.

The very thing they’d bullied me for became my greatest asset.

One of Gary's greatest champions - his grandmother. Source: Supplied

What advice would you give to your Year 12 self?

I asked this question of some of the most creative and inspirational adults I know from different backgrounds.

Shannon Molloy is an award winning journalist and author. His book ‘Fourteen’ about the devastating homophobic bullying he experienced at school was made into a national, sold-out touring play.

“All going well, you’ll live for another several decades; what you do professionally will evolve again and again. Don’t fret if you don’t yet know what you want to be. You’ll figure it out. That’s the fun part of life. 

"I’ll let you in on a secret - very few of us have it figured out; we’re just fumbling our way through, doing the best we can. Do your best too and you’ll be fine.” 

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"I did Year 12 the hard way"

The other friend I spoke to is Ginger Gorman, a social justice journalist, editor and best-selling author.

Ginger says:

“I really did year 12 the hard way. Convinced I wasn’t as bright as my peers, I smashed myself studying and barely slept. I stacked on weight by eating badly and not exercising. Yes, I got decent grades. But overall, I was unhealthy and miserable. 

"Don’t compare yourself to others. It’s pointless.

"Treat yourself and your body (and your parents and carers!) with respect and kindness. Get enough sleep. Spend time with trusted friends. Eat properly and do nourishing things - going out walking or seeing a movie.

"You really are going to do better - academically and mentally - if you keep your whole self in decent shape. Yes, you’ll be stressed at times. Finding some joy is the antidote to that.”

Gary Nunn is an internationally published journalist and author. X: @garynunn1 

Originally published as So you’re entering your final school year. I survived and you will too