My husband refuses to shower before getting into bed - but it's not safe for us

The postpartum mum has now resorted to sleeping on the couch for the past few months while he sleeps in their bed.

A woman is grappling with the dilemma of allowing her diesel mechanic husband into their bed without showering beforehand. 

She took to the popular 'Am I the Asshole' forum to ask if she was in the wrong for forcing him to wash first.

The woman explained, "Me and my husband have a constant issue with him going to bed without having a shower.

"I’ve spoken to him many times and stated that I don’t want him to get into our bed without showering. The reason why is first hygiene, and second, he’s a heavy diesel mechanic who comes home caked in diesel fuel."

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"I have to change the sheets every second day"

She says he washes "as much of it off as he can at work" but she can still see diesel fuel on his skin when he comes home.

OP continues, "He always makes the excuse that he’s too tired and cannot fall asleep straight away after his shower. He most definitely does fall asleep straight after his shower!

"We constantly argue about it because I’m so sick of washing the sheets every second day because of the stains and smell on them. He makes me feel as if I’m asking too much and that I’m such a cow for not letting him get enough sleep."

She adds that they have a one-year-old and a two-month-old and she understands he would be tired from work and then parenting duties, but she still wants him to uphold basic hygiene. 

The mum has now resorted to sleeping on the couch for the past few months while he sleeps in the bed.

She then concludes her post, which now has 1.1k comments, by asking, "Am I being an a-hole for demanding he shower before getting to bed?"

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"Make him responsible for cleaning the sheets"

The verdict was conclusive on this one. The top comment read, "NTA - While I understand that he's tired, his not showering also poses a health risk for both of you. Sleeping in or next to diesel fuel is not healthy. Have you tried approaching it from a health angle? If he still can't understand the concern, then it's appropriate to respond."

A second person added she should "make him responsible for cleaning the sheets." But people noted if he can't even take a shower, he'll likely be unwilling to do the laundry!

Meanwhile, a third weighed in, writing, "She's two months postpartum, she should get a nice bed, not sleep on the couch! Her comfort comes first.

"Also, diesel fuel on baby's skin is really bad. I'd be concerned about him interacting with them before showering."

"It's ridiculous that he's letting you sleep on the lounge, especially when you're up with the baby, while he sleeps soundly in the bed," said another. 

"You are being very appropriate and reasonable," concluded another user.

"I worked construction many years ago and wouldn't even sit down on any of the furniture before showering. I came the door and straight for the bathroom."

Originally published as My husband refuses to shower before getting into bed - but it's not safe for us