My husband blames me for our stillborn son and says I killed him - I’m broken

Katy thought her life was perfect when she found out she was expecting three girls, but her husband’s toxic comments turned her world upside down. Warning: Sensitive content. 

*Katy’s life has been perfect since she married the love of her life, John*.

Living in a big house in the US, they have spent the last three years of their five-year relationship in marital bliss. 

Their world became brighter when she found out she was expecting a baby; John was overjoyed with the idea of having a son, which he had always dreamed about. 

Riding on the wave of happy news, Katy began reconnecting with her mum, someone she hadn’t spoken to in years. 

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Katy was infuriated by John's nasty and toxic comments. Source: iStock

“He said I was supposed to give him at least one son since I killed his first one”

“I had originally cut off most contact with my mother due to how she treated my brother when he married his husband,” Katy told Reddit. 

Everything was perfect for Katy and John. Then, their world completely collapsed. 

“Our son ended up stillborn, and it broke me,” she said. “I fell into a depression and even at one point considered taking my life, but my husband was there for me during all of it and we got through the grief.” 

Over the next few months, the couple became closer and “stronger than ever”, and although things were no longer perfect, “life started slowly feeling beautiful again.” 

It was recently that Katy learned she was expecting again, but this time, she was pregnant with triplets.

“[John] and I were over the moon, and he was the most doting and loving husband,” she continued. “Since we had always said we wanted two to three children, we agreed we wouldn't try for any more children after this.” 

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In celebration of the happy news, Katy and John decided to do a gender reveal at their baby shower. Once again, everything was exactly how they planned; she had reconciled with her mum and was surrounded by those she loved the most, who were excited to reveal the three genders. 

“I don't care what the gender of our babies was I just wanted healthy little babies, but my husband was clearly excited for potentially three sons,” she said. “When the time came me, my husband, and my brother all shot a confetti cannon, and all three shot out pink confetti.” 

Katy was beside herself with excitement, and her family instantly joined in celebrating the happy couple. 

Except, not everyone in the couple was happy. 

“My husband screamed at the top of his lungs and hit the table in front of us, hitting it so hard that it actually broke,” she said in shock. “He screamed at me that I was supposed to give him at least one son because I killed his first one.” 

Yikes. 

Katy burst into tears and ran into the living room; her brother stepped in front of John to “calm him down” but was shoved away. 

“I could hear him screaming outside about how three daughters is too many, how he doesn't want four kids, but he also wants a son,” she in fits of tears. “I had been so broken up about our son's stillbirth, and a part of me had felt it was my fault, and now, he, my husband was, the love of my life, telling me that it was.” 

The next few days have been terrible at home, she continued. “[John has] been sleeping in the guest room and when we do interact, he's clearly upset and mad and tries to argue with me,” she said. 

When she tried to reason with him and explain how beautiful life would be with three daughters, John “spat” back at Katy, arguing he would “provide them shelter and food” but isn’t “interested in daughters and doesn't plan to have a close relationship with them.”

So she's getting a divorce. 

“I don't want my daughters to grow up in an unloving household where their parents constantly argue and their father doesn't love them,” she continued. “The moment my husband said I killed our son, I felt as though I lost all love I had for him in an instant, and I don't want my daughters to be in that kind of household.”

Now her in-laws are telling her she can’t divorce John “just because he wants a son”, leaving her feeling "incredibly small and stupid." 

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“That man is more than just toxic … he’s dangerous” 

Katy had every reason to be upset by this poisonous ordeal, with the Reddit community backing her up every step of the way. 

“You didn’t ‘kill your son’ any more than you chose the gender of your current babies. What absolute nonsense,” a supporter wrote. “I don’t care how upset he was, his accusation that you killed your son was inexcusable, as was his physically violent outburst. He has shown you his true self and it is monstrous.” 

“Oh, honey, you are not overreacting. Walk away from that man right now!” a woman cautioned. 

“He’s more than toxic…he’s dangerous,” warned a third. “Get out now!”

Others laid the hard truth on John. 

“Hate to break it to your husband, but it’s the sperm that determines gender,” someone responded. “He’s the one who gave you three daughters…. Not the other way around.”

“Apparently, he doesn’t realise that men determine the sex of the baby depending on what chromosome they contribute (X or Y) as the female can only contribute one of their X chromosomes,” another educated the group. “So, if anyone is to blame, it’s your ignorant husband.” 

Others supported her reason for divorcing and reassured her that she was not to blame for the heartbreaking stillbirth. 

“You’re not divorcing him because he wants a son, you’re divorcing him because he has said some truly unforgivable things,” read a comment. 

*Names have been changed

Originally published as My husband blames me for our stillborn son and says I killed him - I’m broken