I'm sick of being the 'active parent' while my husband won't move

"It's like I don't have a dad for my kids," the sad mum candidly confesses.

As anyone who was partnered when they had kids would know, raising a family with another adult faces plenty of challenges.

It puts pressure on finances, both adult's free time, sense of identity... and even the strongest of couples can find their relationship wavering.

Or, in some cases, reaching breaking point.

One frustrated wife and mum has shared that she's considering leaving her marriage after having kids because it has simply become all too hard. But her main reason for wanting to do so divided responses.

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"He has no energy," the mum says. Source: iStock

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"Finding it hard to parent with an obese person"

The woman, clearly desperate for some advice, was open about her dilemma. She asked a Mumsnet group if she was being unreasonable "for finding it hard to co-parent with an obese person?"

And it's not about what her partner looks like, although she says their intimacy is non-existent.

"He can't go on rides or inflatables as he is over the weight limit," she writes in her post, sharing that his BMI is 38.

"He can't play football/netball with our kids as he is breathless and has no energy. His days are oriented round food and when he can next sleep (he struggles exhaustion I guess due to moving around with his weight)."

The mum says she's had enough of "being the active parent."

"I've talked to him about diet/bariatric surgery, but he is not ready for this. I'm sometimes scared he'll die in sleep and the kids will find him."

The wife admits that, "he is now at the stage where he is essentially disabled, but I'm just so f***ing tired of him. 

"I do recognise he is ill, and the obsessive eating is a compulsion but I'm running out of sympathy with it. Am I awful to leave him?"

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"Your husband should apply the same logic"

In the comments, many agreed that the woman's situation would be difficult.

"I couldn't live or co-parent with someone who was functionally killing himself, whether it be with alcohol, drugs, overwork, or food," wrote one.

Another added, "It would be so frustrating to be stuck doing things your partner can't, being held back by things they can't do, having to revolve things around food or being unable to do active things/walk normal distances."

Finally, one woman shared she's in a similar position to the original poster, except reversed.

"I myself am classified as obese and although I am still fairly active, I have gained more and more weight over the past few years, and I do have a binge eating disorder.

"However, I now recognise that I am finding things more difficult and my weight is starting to impact my health and the things I feel comfortable doing. I have a young son and it fills me with dread to think that I might die early and he will have to grow up without a mum, and all for something that is a fixable issue.

"I have made the conscious decision to put him first... as it's not about me anymore. Your husband should apply the same logic."

Not everyone thought the woman was being fair

One member of the group reminded everyone, "I remember a man posting the same thing about his wife and how her obesity was hindering family life and he was thinking of leaving her... he got absolutely FLAMED."

Some others thought that "there's something else going on" with the husband, such as a struggle with mental health, and that the wife needed to be more empathetic.

Originally published as I'm sick of being the 'active parent' while my husband won't move