I've just discovered my daughter isn't mine

"It's controversial, but this is what I'm doing about it..."

A man has been left wondering if he's wrong for wanting space from his high-school-aged daughter after he found out she wasn't biologically his. 

"I'm 40, she is 16 and I've been divorced from her mother since she was about a year old. We've always had a good relationship and never had any reason to doubt she's mine," he began in an online post seeking advice. 

"Her mother recently let it slip she might not be mine, and we did a DNA test, and she's right - no biological relationship whatsoever," he continued.

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"I'm muting everyone"

"After confronting my ex, she broke down and confessed that when we were dating, she went on a night out with her colleagues and ended up in bed with a guy she worked with. She is trying to say she was probably drugged or something as she was a lot more drunk than she should have been and woke up in bed with him with no memory of sleeping with him - she panicked and feared what I'd say, she just tried to ignore it and hoped she was mine as she always felt like she looked like me," he wrote.

"Apparently, the biological father is some French guy who's married and has kids, and I vaguely remember him from when we were together (I didn't like him; he seemed sleazy)."

The man said the whole situation has "f**ked him up" and also left his daughter completely heartbroken as well.

Image: IStock

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"It's giving me some seriously dark thoughts and I just want to take a bit of time to myself and go no contact for a short while," he admitted.

"Not to punish her in any way or be horrible, but I just need to clear my head and get some help before I see her again. I know she isn't to blame, and I don't want to hurt her at all, but I feel I can't be a dad to her while I'm struggling like this."

The teen didn't take that information well and is sad that he wants to take space.

"I'm just muting everyone, including her, so I can think. I'm thinking of quitting my job and selling my house to travel for a bit and just see the world before I come back and face it all," he added.

"So, AITA for taking the space and not having contact with her in the meantime?"

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"She's still your daughter"

In the comments, people had a lot of sympathy for the dad, and told him he's okay for taking space - but he needs to ensure he does it in the right way in order to not hurt people.

"Please explain to your daughter why you’re taking a little space. Do this face-to-face. Remember she’s been struck an equally big blow as well and will need to know you won’t abandon her over something that isn’t her doing. Get both of you into counseling ASAP.

"She’s still your girl, you still need each other," the top comment with 1.2k likes read.

"Please don’t make big decisions regarding your job. Take time off but don’t quit. Talk to the friend you trust most and ask them to help spread the word you’re just taking a step back to get your bearings and are not answering questions right now."

This comment also stood out: "Do you want her to have any relationship with you after? Because this is the age she will need her father figure the most. If you're gone now, don't expect to ever be back.

"Just make sure you have a chat with her before you shut her out temporarily."

And this person added with a great deal of heart: "Sometimes you get hit with something so reality is shattering you need to fall back and refocus yourself. Take time and understand it.

"But, don’t allow yourself to regress too far. You HAVE to talk to your daughter as soon as possible. If nothing else, explain that you won’t abandon her. That she is still loved. Whatever biology says, for 16 years she has been, and still is your daughter. Your daughter is completely innocent in all of this. She needs to know she won’t be abandoned."

Originally published as I've just discovered my daughter isn't mine