My adopted daughter makes me feel like I'm babysitting someone else's child

"I don't feel she's my own... I love her - but not as much as my biological kids." Please note: sensitive content

A mum has shared a devastating admission: that she regrets adopting her baby girl.

"Before the birth of my first son, I was told it would be hard for us to conceive.

"We went through IVF and eventually I gave birth to my son. A few years later we wanted another child but didn't want to have to go through the time and expense we did the last time with our son. So we decided to adopt," she begins in a raw online post to unburden herself.

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"I wish I could go back in time"

She continues, "We adopted this beautiful baby girl whose parents were too young to raise her themselves. I loved her so much and treated her no different... but I've never had the feeling she's my own.

"I often feel like I'm babysitting someone else's child. I feel terrible but I can't help it. I've tried forcing myself to feel it but I just don't. She's 15 now and I've never felt a connection with her."

The mum then admits that when, years later, she had her biological daughter, her feelings intensified.

"I started hating my adopted daughter because I felt if I had just waited then I wouldn't have to have had her. When my daughter was born everything just felt right. I felt a proper connection like with my son and I bonded straight away.

"I sound horrible but adopting her was a massive mistake. I wish I could go back in time. I love her to pieces but unfortunately not as much as my biological children. I hate myself for it."

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Image: iStock

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"You need to access some therapy"

Many commenters on the post expressed empathy for the mum, but were significantly concerned for her and her adopted daughter.

One person said: "I really really hope your adoptive daughter doesn’t know how you feel.

"Have you looked into professional help for yourself to dissect what’s going on and why you haven’t allowed yourself to bond?"

Another, added, "This girl deserves to be enthusiastically cared for and loved by the people in her life. What about your husband? Does he feel the same way?"

This person was more direct, writing, "Since you already had a biological child you shouldn’t have adopted. I have heard lots of adoptees say they have always felt like they were competing with the biological child of the adoptive parent."

Finally, a group member admonished the mum for her handling of things: "I feel so upset on behalf of your 15-year-old. I hope she never finds out and that you’ve posted this because you want things to change.

"You can work to repair and create that bond rather than dwelling on the past and your own anger and regret. I hope you haven’t damaged her through any perceptible emotional distance on your part.

"How dreadfully sad that you still feel you are babysitting someone else child after all these years. Please stop dwelling on what might have been and step up to being the best parent you can be to her by seeking help if need be."

Originally published as My adopted daughter makes me feel like I'm babysitting someone else's child