'I have a newborn, and my mother-in-law is driving me crazy'

“Every observation about the house is negative and involves an immediate demand to fix it to her preference,” the exasperated new dad says about his mother-in-law.

Joel Erickson

3 min read

July 12, 2023 - 3:33PM

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Tim* is exhausted.

The new dad’s first child came just 10 days ago, and his mother-in-law is becoming overbearing. That’s how he feels anyway.

Tim took to Reddit to detail his experience with his mother-in-law since his child was born, describing her behaviour as “intrusive”.

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“I can’t tell if I’m being overly sensitive or if this is actually her being a s**tty person,” the new dad said.

“None of it is really new, but it seems so much more intense than it normally is.

“Even my wife is noticing the problems are worse and a few are new.”

Tim* says his mother-in-law's behaviour was "intrusive" and overbearing. Picture: iStock

"She can't let any error go"

Tim goes on to describe some of his mother-in-law’s behaviour, and says she’s usually at the house for 12 hours a day.

“She uses our kitchen to cook and left loads of dishes for me to clean until we had a talk,” he said. “She’s not happy but is cleaning it up.

“Every mistake I make gets tacked on to instructions for the next time. I let one nappy squirt and every single change comes with a reminder to not do that. She can’t let any error go.

“She disregards our parenting decisions and constantly interrupts us with her takes on parenting before we can finish a thought.”

Tim said his mother-in-law had been a negative force in the house since his baby arrived.

“Every observation about the house is negative and involves an immediate demand to fix it to her preference,” he said.

“Our shelves aren’t organised properly, the bottle warmer should be on the fridge not the counter, the laundry isn’t done fast enough.

“You can’t tell her no or she takes personal offence. You have to carefully navigate a non-committal answer and wait for her to get distracted by another grievance against our housekeeping.”

"She's accusing me of prioritising my career over family"

Possibly worst of all, Tim said his mother-in-law was constantly comparing him to her ex-husband, who she claimed neglected the family for his career.

“She’s explicitly accusing me of prioritising my career over family,” he said.

“She patently refuses to tolerate any conversation that relates to my job even if I’m talking to my wife. If I mention something in passing, she cuts me off to remind me I’m like her ex and am putting my ambitions over her daughter.

“She hasn’t had a job since 1980, so she’s not up to speed on anything related to work.”

Tim just wants to make sure his concerns are genuine, and not just down to baby exhaustion.

“Do I sound like just a frazzled dad, or are these legitimate issues?” he asked.

"Send her home. You don't need the stress"

People were quick to affirm his mother-in-law’s bad behaviour, and told him to get her out of the house.

“Send her home. You guys don’t need that stress,” one person wrote.

“Nah, she’s overstepping and way out of line,” another person wrote. “It’s time to start putting down boundaries.

“Maximum amount of time she can stay at the house, she can keep her comments about how you run your household to herself, you’re not doing any jobs for her, and if she’s not going to stick to those boundaries, you’re not opening the door to her next time.”

“These concerns are legit,” another person wrote. “It sounds like mother-in-law needs to go home.

“Her ‘help’ is creating more work for you and you already have enough to deal with having your newborn.”

Another person quipped it was an opportunity to practise for later on.

“Tell her no, let her be disappointed,” they wrote. “This is good practice for when you have a toddler.”