I had my kids at the perfect age for me - maybe not for you

"The timing is, ultimately, always what's right for that family," mum of three Karen advises.

Karen and her happy family. Source: Supplied

I was 32 when I had my twin boys and 35 when I had my daughter. 

For me, everything aligned at this point in my life – I was in the right place, with the right person, and it was the right time. It was the perfect age for me to have kids.

Hilary Swank has just given birth to twins at the age of 48. She has come under a lot of fire on social media for having her children later in life.

Who are we to comment on what is undoubtably the perfect age for her to have her babies?

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Karen and her happy family. Source: Supplied

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"The time wasn't right and the person wasn't right"

As a teenager, I always knew I wanted kids and I thought I’d have my first before the age of 30. Instead, I broke up with a long-term partner in my mid-twenties. We definitely weren’t the right fit for one another.

The time wasn’t right, the person wasn’t right and, when we were together, our financial situation wasn’t right. It felt like my world came crashing down when we separated but, as happens in these situations, things end to make room for much better things to come along.

I went on to have the best time living in a shared house with a bunch of friends, building my career and enjoying being young and free in my 20s before meeting my now-husband, getting married, buying a house and going off backpacking together.

By the time we returned to our home in the UK, I was expecting two babies and we were more than ready to settle down and enjoy the new, exciting challenge that awaited.

My 30s were spent growing and taking care of my babies. And dealing with endless nappies (oh so many nappies!), sleepless nights and so much chaos. I loved this special time in my life, and I’m glad I had plenty of energy to enjoy it.

Now I’m in my mid-40s and I’m enjoying having older kids. We shared the adventure of relocating across the world to Australia together. I’m having fun building my business and working as a freelance writer and, more than anything, I’m loving getting a good night’s sleep again as I can’t cope with broken sleep!

Karen knows how Hilary Swank feels. Source: Supplied

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"We each do what is right for us"

In my 20s, I wasn’t in the right place to think about having babies. Now in my 40s, I’m loving our family life with teens and a tween. For me, my 30s was the perfect time to have kids.

Of course, Hilary knows that being an older mother is likely to be more exhausting than if she had her babies in her 20s. I’m guessing, like me, in her 20s she also wasn’t in the right place or with the right person!

Being pregnant with twins is demanding no matter what age you are – there are swollen legs and feet (often much worse than with a single pregnancy), lots more antenatal appointments to juggle, more risks and more worry.

Eight months into my twin pregnancy, I suffered from obstetric cholestasis and pre-eclampsia and ended up in hospital on bed rest while awaiting an emergency c-section. After my babies were safely delivered, I had additional complications that put my life in danger.

Delivering twins can be challenging no matter what your age, so although being an older mother can elevate the risks, being younger doesn’t guarantee you will sail through a healthy twin pregnancy either.

I’m not sure that I would have the energy or stamina to have another set of twins now in my mid-40s, but that is because I’ve already been through that phase of my life and I’m out of the other side now (hopefully slightly wiser and definitely a bit more weary!). Hilary is coming to motherhood fresh and no doubt with finances in place to organise as much help as she chooses to bring into her home.

Source: Supplied

"It happened at exactly the right time"

Hilary might not be around to see her grandkids get married or meet her great grandkids but I’m sure she isn’t looking into the future worrying about the things she might miss. Instead, I’m sure she is focusing on loving her two babies and feeling blessed that she was lucky enough to be able to conceive and safely carry two babies in her late 40s.

I’m pretty sure she feels it has happened at exactly the right time in her life and I’m thrilled for her as having twins is one of the most precious experiences in the world.

We each do what is right for us – there is no right or wrong time to have babies and we should respect one another for our choices. All that really matters is that we're happy with our own timeline.

This story was published in April, and updated in August, 2023.

Originally published as I had my kids at the perfect age for me - maybe not for you