I didn't send my parents newborn photos straight after I'd given birth

"They lost their minds, blew up both our phones, stressed me out to the point of tears and made the birth all about them."

A new mum has taken to an online forum to ask for advice about her parents' reaction after her son was born last week. 

The poster explained that while they "obviously told people" that they were checked into the hospital, they didn't want any family members there, including her parents. 

"My mum's immediate reaction was, 'Let us know if you change your mind!" the mum said, but she and her husband stayed firm with their wishes. 

The woman's mum then thought that they could just wait back at her house for them to come home with the baby. But again, she asserted that they didn't want any family or guests at their home either. 

Spoiler alert: The 'rents weren't jazzed about it. But that was just the beginning...

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Image: IStock

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"I understand they are excited but I felt they were being needy"

After the poster spent a long 21 hours in labour and three hours of pushing, her son was born and they let her parents know.

"Immediately they were asking for photos," she said. "I understand they are excited and already love him, but holy sh*t I felt they were being needy and not respecting that I was tired, talking to hospital staff, trying to learn to breastfeed, etc."

As it's an extremely overwhelming and critical time, the poster and her husband decided it was best to hold off on sending photos to anyone, so they weren't just singling out her parents. 

She explained that she and her husband both have anxiety around sending photos of their newborn and then them "spreading like wildfire."

She said, "So, we’ve just decided to hold off, just for now. We’ve literally already talked about how excited we are to send our first Christmas cards this year! So this isn’t a forever thing."

"They said everyone else in the world sends photos of new babies"

To no one's surprise, her parents lost their minds at their decision.

"They blew up both our phones and stressed me out to the point of tears so my husband called my dad to ask them to stop and my dad had the balls to hang up on my husband and then my dad told me that he and my husband don’t need to speak or see each other again," she said. 

But just because OP didn't want to share photos, doesn't mean she was keeping her son completely private. "Once I was home I asked my parents if they wanted to FaceTime so they could see my son via video since we weren't doing photos," she explained. "They ignored me."

"We finally FaceTimed yesterday and my mum told me she had been sobbing all day and it was 'torture' waiting for a photo. I told her she made my labour all about her and that no one asked me and my husband what we wanted. It was all about what they wanted.

"They said they don’t understand the photo thing. Everyone else in the world sends photos of new babies. I said I don’t care about the world and I totally see how sending a photo seems like no big deal and our decision seems irrational, but you don’t have to understand it. You just have to respect it."

Well, that didn’t go over well.

Now, she wants to know if she's "being dramatic" and "drawing a hard line over something nonsensical."

But wait, there's one final blow — "My mum said I probably cried in the recovery room not because they stressed me out but because I was just hormonal and tired."

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"They're cutting their noses off to spite their faces"

The top comment, with 13k upvotes, said: "You should have been giving it to them that they were stressing out a new mother and that they should be disgusted with themselves they are doing that to their daughter. 

"Girl, you gotta give it back to them. Go hard. They have no right to treat you like this. I would be doing the same thing if I was in your shoes. You're the mum and what you say goes. They suck it up and deal with it."

Then someone else made the point that "This is so short-sighted.

"Don't they realise they get to see the baby in person but because they're so used to stomping their feet and getting their way, they make all these demands and then cut off their noses to spite their faces."

A third added: "Imagine someone demanding a picture with this much fervour. It's probably so they can show off their grandson to their friends - aka the EXACT reason you didn't want to send the photo in the first place: to avoid unapproved circulation. NTA. They're just reiterating why you were concerned in the first place. 

"Take it from someone whose in-laws had a similarly hysterical reaction to boundaries around a newborn: now is the time for you and your husband to stand your ground and insist your parents respect your wishes, otherwise they will act this way every time you don’t do things they way they want you to," a different woman shared.

Some people admitted that while the OP's no-photo rule did seem "weird", that doesn't make her the a**hole in the situation.

"Me not understanding that decision doesn’t mean it’s an a**hole thing to do though. Not getting a picture isn’t torture. People are supposed to be supporting a couple who just had a new baby, not adding to the stress," someone concluded.

Originally published as I didn't send my parents newborn photos straight after I'd given birth