My friend posted an 'unsafe' video of her baby that worried me

"She was surrounded by loose blankets, a jewelry box and stuffed animals... should I have said something?"

Our social media feeds are filled with snapshots of life’s little moments. For new mums, every little smile or funny moment is prime material for sharing. 

But what do you do when you spot a Mumma who might be straying from the sacred guidelines of baby-raising? 

Butt in or stay out of it? – that is the question.

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Eyebrow raising behaviour

Let me set the scene.

I was scrolling through Instagram and stumbled upon a friend (well, friend is stretching it; she’s more of an old acquaintance) who was doing something with her baby that made me raise an eyebrow.

I loved watching my baby sleeping, part because it meant she wasn’t crying and part because she was (and is) so darn cute. I have so many photos and videos of her dreaming away that I look back on occasionally and shed a tear at how small she used to be.

Okay, back to the acquaintance!

So, as I did, she took a video of her precious little three-month-old baby asleep in his bassinet. The only difference is she was surrounded by loose blankets, a jewelry box and stuffed animals.

As I watched and rewatched the Instagram story, I was met with a first-world modern dilemma: slide into her DM’s or swipe and move on?

What do the experts say?

The Red Nose Foundation was my go-to reference for safe sleep practices for newborns.  Their advice for the safest way for babies to sleep is to place them on their backs in a clear, flat crib with no loose blankets or toys. 

Also, keeping the sleeping area smoke-free and maintaining a comfortable room temperature.

Points FOR saying something

So immediately, a moral game of tennis began playing in my head.

As a new parent, catching up in the whirlwind of newborn life is easy.

Lack of sleep, not knowing what day (or month) it is and having to navigate the streams of texts from family and friends wanting to visit can be overwhelming.

It’s so easy to genuinely forget all the advice your health professionals gave you, or maybe, in this instance, she wasn’t told, so ethically, I should remind her, right?

Down the rabbit hole, I went even further.

If something were to happen to her little girl, would I be okay with having that weigh on my conscience? 

What if the mum had no idea about safe sleep practices and I was helping her, you know, mum to mum, in a non-judgmental way?

Does anyone really need more unsolicited advice? Source: iStock

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Points for NOT saying something

When has social media ever truly been a reflection of one’s life in totality? Everyone’s feed is perfectly curated to capture the highlights reel of their life.

You won’t catch me posting my electricity bill to my feed, but you’ll be sure to catch me sharing that I was treating myself to a facial. 

So, an argument for not saying something stems from the idea that perhaps the video was staged, and immediately after uploading, she would remove the blankets and toys and, strangely, the jewellery box and everything would be fine. Or not, and that's how she wants her little one to sleep.

Who was I to question someone’s parenting decisions?

I’m not the oracle of everything when it comes to having a baby, and I also don't work in a field that has some expertise to back up my comments.

Plus, we weren’t even friends. I’m not sure why we’re even friends on social media. I hadn’t seen her in over a decade, and even then, she was only a friend of a friend of mine. 

I couldn’t imagine how annoyed I would be if she slid into my DM’s and commented on the way I was doing something with my daughter, so why did I think it would be okay to do the same thing? 

Unsolicited advice from an acquaintance... no thanks. Source: iStock

Outsourcing for advice

This ethical game of tennis was reaching Wimbledon level, and I decided to ask some friends and family their opinions on the matter.

My husband said in support of not saying anything as it wasn’t his place to comment, and he doesn’t message acquaintances anyway, so it would be a little out of the norm. He was also in the same camp of it being a staged photo, and perhaps they would be removed after.

On the other hand, my mother-in-law said it might be a good idea to bring it up in a one-on-one message in a non-accusing way.   

A friend of mine who has a one-year-old and one on the way advises she’d like to think she would say something, but it’s a tricky question, and that’s why you get a harsh answer.

Another friend said she might broach the subject by making a joke about it, "I'd comment on the post saying something like, 'Wow, there's a lot going on in there!'"

So, in the final set, the game was neck and neck, but in this instance, I decided not to say anything.

Plus, considering the story has since expired, it would be a little strange now.  

I can’t help but wonder if the right answer won?

Originally published as My friend posted an 'unsafe' video of her baby that worried me