ADVICE NEEDED: My teenage daughter wants to wear a 'sexy' Halloween costume

"I tried to explain the choice isn't appropriate for her age, but she accused me of 'sexualizing' it."

Halloween can be contentious for parents and their children at any age. When your kids are young, they want all the candy they collect; when they start to get older, they want to wear costumes you don't approve of. So, what is a parent to do when her teen wants to wear a 'sexy' costume?

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Advice Needed

My daughter, 15, told me about her Halloween costume when she came home from school. She and her friends have been really getting into cosplay. She has asked me if I could buy her a latex costume based on one of her favourite anime characters. Most of them are very cute and fun, but there are a couple I have second thoughts about.   

When I saw that her choice is a latex costume I said absolutely not! I have NEVER seen her so mad! She started crying of course. 

I tried to tell her that those costumes aren’t appropriate for her age and she started yelling that I’m “sexualizing” the costume. She has been sulking all week and ignoring her homework. I really don’t know what to do at this point. When I ask her the other options, they are still revealing. 

Should I put my foot down for good or am I just being a prude?

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Jordana’s Advice 

First and foremost, remember that it's a teen's job to push back and be defiant - and yes have a tantrum when you say no - but if that’s your boundary, as a parent, stick with it. Always lead with that you want to keep her safe, try not to get too emotional, because heightened emotions will only escalate matters.

It can be helpful to ask your child their intentions behind the costume but be careful not to body-shame them in the process. It’s normal for teenagers to be curious about sex and for them to explore their sexuality.

Avoid shaming her in general, as this will only hurt her and possibly encourage her to hide her “real costume” from you. Open dialogue, empathy and honesty will be your best friends here - from Halloween through the teen years. If you can have an open dialogue where both parties listen to the other, you may just find a compromise that lets your teen express themselves without doing too much, too fast. 

Teenagers often look at Halloween as a time to wear 'sexy' costumes. Source: Getty Images

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Focus on the costume not her body

Try to keep the focus on the costume rather than her body or appearance. When you speak to her say, “I am concerned that you might not feel comfortable in that costume” - this could have two interpretations, one being a physical comfort, latex isn’t fun for many, especially a teenager. And secondly, much like Barbie in the real world, recognising that when the gaze is on you, you feel less comfortable. 

Reiterate your going out rules as always in these conversations, if she is staying at a friend's house, with all girls, you might feel a little more secure, however, once they go out, the feelings change. 

Sit down and try to come to a compromise, a different costume, offer to host her and her girlfriends at your place, including her in the process will ensure a healthier relationship in the long run. 

Remind your teen that you are on the same team: wanting them to grow up to be the healthiest version of themselves.

Originally published as ADVICE NEEDED: My teenage daughter wants to wear a 'sexy' Halloween costume