A mum is supposed to deeply and fiercely love her kid, and I just don’t

"I want to leave and run away." The online group where mums are sharing their parenting regrets in solidarity. Please note: sensitive content 

Parenthood, often hailed as life's greatest joy, comes with its own set of challenges and complexities.

Since becoming a mum, my priorities have totally been flipped on their head, with anything to do with me pushed right down the list.

In saying all this, I still have no regrets about having a baby. 

I spent decades picturing my life as a mum, and while these visions saw me in cuter outfits without food stains on the shoulders, long, luscious hair sans post-partum loss, and living in a grand house instead of a tiny apartment, I was absolutely certain in my decision.  

However, for parents who harbour regrets about their decision to have children, expressing these feelings can be a burden - until now.

A new Reddit community, r/RegretfulParents, has over 100,000 parents who've logged onto the forum to share the thoughts most parents might not utter candidly.

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A taboo turned into relief

The online space says it's for "parents who think they shouldn't have become parents to rant, confess, get off their chest about their kids, significant others, families, whatever."

Now, the comments aren’t just little rants about little Tommy throwing an embarrassing tantrum in the tuna aisle at Woolies. 

The thread is pretty confronting, and my heart can’t help but break a little for the parents genuinely struggling with these feelings.

One commenter disclosed, "A mum is supposed to deeply and fiercely love her kid, and I just don’t."

Another revealed, "I want to leave and run away, but then the feelings of guilt and worry set in, and I’m not sure I could bring myself to do that."

"I always thought I wanted a family, but now I wake up and immediately can’t wait for the day to be over," divulged another.

It's obviously a desperately needed outlet for thousands.

The statistics on parenting regret

Research in the UK in 2021 found that one in 12 British parents reported regretting having children, with young parents aged 25 to 34 being the most likely to express regret. 

A study in Germany in 2016 also revealed that a significant percentage of German parents expressed that if they had the choice again, they might choose not to have children.

Kidspot has also reported on times when parents have regretted having their families, such as here:

 The parents who regret having children

 Parents who regret having children share their stories anonymously

 ‘I deeply regret having both of my kids’

One in 12 British parents reported regretting having children. Source: iStock

RELATED: ‘I deeply regret having both of my kids’

Once it’s on the internet, it’s always on the internet

A word of caution: users are encouraged to post from accounts that can't be identified so that children can't see their parents' posts as they get older, simply by a random Google name search.

And as always, seek help if you feel you need it.

Originally published as A mum is supposed to deeply and fiercely love her kid, and I just don’t