My four year old daughter told me that I am 'ruining her life'

"I know she doesn’t mean it. And logically, I know it is completely normal. But it doesn’t stop it from hurting."

Am I wrong for being so shocked that this sort of talk would start at such a young age?

I knew that there would come a day when I would be told something like this. I remember saying something similar to my parents as I was growing up… except I would have nearly been a teenager.

We all know the moment is coming - it’s extremely common for older children and teenagers - as a society people often laugh about how they don’t really mean it. That teenagers will say it and it won't be until they are adults that they will understand why we made some of the tough decisions. Or maybe they will never get it. Who knows.

My point is, I was completely and utterly not prepared for my four-year-old to start saying things like this to me.

“I am not living my best life because of you Mum.”

“You are ruining my life.”

These are two comments that are sticking in my head. If this has started already what the hell is next and can someone please prepare me for that moment?!

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"Of course, it hurts to hear that"

I say this lightly and with an undertone of humour because of course, I know she doesn’t mean it. And logically, I know it is completely normal. But it doesn’t stop it from hurting.

That tiny human I have spent 100% of my life focusing on for the last four years is all of sudden using these huge and powerful words. Words that have never been voiced in our home by anyone.

My girl was just a baby not that long ago. Who I grew, suffered pain and endured sleepless nights for. The one who I absolutely love with my entire being… tells me that I am ruining her life.

Of course, it hurts to hear that.

Let me give you some context so you can understand what was happening in this particular moment for me to be ‘ruining’ someone’s entire life.

Image: IStock

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"You are not alone"

A rather typical morning in a household with small children - breakfast was left uneaten on the table. Morning tea refused. And I was about to offer lunch.

“Mum, I want to go to Bunnings to get a sausage for lunch.”

This was completely out of the blue… I think we have had a Bunnings sausage perhaps twice in her whole life.

“No sorry darling, I’ve made some pasta that you like.”

That was enough to ruin the day. And I know, for a small child this is a HUGE deal.

I know that their brains aren’t developed emotionally and since becoming a mum, I have done so much reading on small children and their development. It is SO much easier to say all of this than to practice this logic in the moment.

I know, on paper, it all makes sense as to why there are these huge explosions over something that might seem ‘small’ to us as adults - is actually a huge deal for them.

I know that, but it still does not stop hearing those words for the first time, it's really damn hard.

To the other parents out there who might struggle with hearing this for the first time, you are not alone.

Originally published as My four year old daughter told me that I am 'ruining her life'