Lorde opens up about break-up with partner 17 years her senior: 'It was so painful'

She's emerged a new person

The singer has addressed the years-long romantic rumours and detailed her struggle with disordered eating in a new interview.

After dipping out of the spotlight for the last few years, Lorde has reemerged a new person.

In less than a month, Ella Yelich-O’Connor has gifted us our newest scream in the car song, What Was That, announced Virgin, her first album in four years, and now uncharacteristically given us an extremely personal insight into her love life. 

Like virtually every other successful twenty-something woman in the public eye, the singer has endured her fair share of romantic speculation over the years. 

There were the rumours about Jack Antonoff possibly seeing a teenage Lorde after the pair worked on her second album, Melodrama together.

There were also longstanding rumours surrounding the singer and Universal Music’s promotions director Justin Warren. 

The rumour mill got so loud that in 2016, Warren, who is 17 years older than Yelich-O’Connor, publicly responded saying, "Ella and I have worked together for years and we're good friends. Any rumors of us being 'a pair' are ridiculous."

The 28-year-old then released What Was That last month, painting a picture of her reemergence from a recently ended relationship. Image: Getty

Both parties never publicly confirmed a relationship, but are thought to have ended up dating from around 2015, and were regularly spotted together over the years before the singer penned a newsletter to fans saying, ‘I’m living with heartbreak again. It’s different but the same. I ache all the time, I forget why and then remember.’

The 28-year-old then released What Was That last month, painting a picture of her reemergence from a recently ended relationship. 

Speaking to Rolling Stone, the star confirmed the breakup, saying, “it was so painful, as they are, but there was real dignity to it and grace and a lot of respect. It continues to be a relationship that I cherish.”

Following the end of the relationship, Lorde explained she has started to prioritise things that make her feel like a teenager again and finding joy in self-care. Image: Getty

Though she said it pushed her to be with herself for the first time in years after she had relied on older figures for so long. 

“I had this feeling that I had never been alone,” she said. “There’d always been someone, not even necessarily a romantic partner. And often that was an older person. I was always choosing someone to be God.”

“I think because of leaving home so young and not quite being ready to be on my own. But I had this very acute sense that I needed to be alone to really meet myself.”

Following the end of the relationship, Lorde explained she has started to prioritise things that make her feel like a teenager again and finding joy in self-care. 

Yelich-O’Connor had shared her battle with an eating disorder in Charli XCX’s Girl, So Confusing. @charli_xcx on Instagram

Yelich-O’Connor had shared her battle with an eating disorder in Charli XCX’s Girl, so confusing, singing: 

I’d been at war in my body 

I tried to starve myself thinner

And then I gained all the weight back

The singer said “I was touring without stage fright for the first time,” without fear of an impending panic attack or fainting spell. Image: Getty

But has since got personal about her struggles, recounting to the publication that she felt like she wasn’t thin enough while she was “hungry and so weak” following the release of Solar Power. 

She said her obsession with thinness started around the time of the pandemic, and even after she had dedicated time and energy to bettering her mental health through alternative therapy, she was still battling her old habits. 

The singer said, “I was touring without stage fright for the first time,” free from fear of an impending panic attack or fainting spell. 

“I don’t know how those two things can be true: that I’m having this really amazing, rich experience of playing the shows and meeting these kids (fans), and [yet] I’m also looking at the pictures afterward and feeling deep loathing at the sight of my beautiful, tiny tummy, thinking it was so unforgivable what I had allowed it to become”.

This new outlook made her think more deeply about her gender identity. Image: Getty

Following her breakup and newfound love of spending time with herself, the singer grew aware of how much she had been restricting herself. 

She explained that after trying to keep herself as small as possible, she’s now actively trying to take up more space both physically and in her work.

This new outlook made her think more deeply about her gender identity.

The star has been incorporating more masculine elements into her wardrobe over the last year, and at the Met Gala earlier this month, told Emma Chamberlain that her backless top resembling duct tape was “something of an easter egg”. Image: Getty

The star has been incorporating more masculine elements into her wardrobe over the last year, and at the Met Gala earlier this month, told Emma Chamberlain that her backless top resembling duct tape was “something of an easter egg”. 

She added that it represented where she was “at gender wise”, before noting she feels “like a man and a woman”.

She expanded on this during her interview, telling Rolling Stone, “my gender got way more expansive when I gave my body more room”. 

Lorde said while writing the yet-to-be-released Man of the Year, she wanted to present how her gender felt at the time. Image: @lorde on Instagram

In an accompanying video from the publication, Lorde said while writing the yet-to-be-released Man of the Year, she wanted to present how her gender felt at the time. 

“I pictured the person who wanted to be singing that song on a stage infront of people”, she said. 

“It was me in my jeans and I wanted to be shirtless, just in a chain and my jeans, but I wanted some sort of coverage and something to sort of hint at binding, and I pulled this tape out of the closet and sort of like very quickly did these three strips across my chest, and I looked at myself in the mirror and I was like ‘that’s, thats me, that’s who I am’”. 

If you or anyone you know need help or support for an eating disorder or concerns about body image, please call Butterfly Foundation National Helpline on 1800 334 673.

Mental health professionals are available 24/7 at the beyondblue Support Service – 1300 22 46 36 or via beyondblue.org.au/get-support for online chat (3pm-12am AEST) or email response.

Originally published as Lorde opens up about break-up with partner 17 years her senior: 'It was so painful'